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December 2002 · Readings · Previous · Next   PDF

Death be not proud

The following is a list of "theme funerals" compiled by the National Funeral Directors and Morticians Association.

Airport: If the loved one was a pilot, rent a hangar at the local airport. Local pilots would fly out of hangar, land, and line up their aircraft in order of age of craft.

Aquarium: Rent the local aquarium after hour of closing. Excellent viewing environment.

Banker: Rent a local bank or use your local branch. Set up on the officers' side of the building, and make sure the window blinds are closed. Still gives the family some privacy.

Boat Cruise: Rent a three-hour boat cruise. An environment for viewing and also for cremation service.

Family Reunion: Loved one is placed in the living room of host family as the family celebrates annual family reunion.

Go-cart Racing: Only during the spring and summer, after closing hours. Excellent viewing location. The visiting family and friends use go-carts. Dress the loved one in a car-racing suit.

Horse Racing: Rent the track during off-season. Viewing in the horse stables, and jockey uniform on the deceased. Use racing tickets and racing booklet as program, with obituary included within.

Living Room: Loved one is laid out near a La-Z-Boy lounger, with television, remote control, and faux cigar in the ashtray.

New Orleans Jazz Funeral: Two-horse-drawn hearse with jazz band leading to cemetery. Along with two dozen doves released.

Shopping-Mall Spree: Some malls have rental space available for meetings. Use this area for viewing. Funerals cannot be held during the day, due to poor taste for shoppers.

Toy Land: Excellent for the kid in all of us. Use all the favorite toys, TV shows, and records, as well as movies. Posters and banners are extra touches.

Train: Old train museum for viewing and funeral. Before leaving for cemetery, put family and body on a three-mile train ride (returns back to the museum). Then to the cemetery.

Wal-Mart (or special store of choice): Have the viewing room in a store. Use signs, discounts, and items most purchased by the deceased.

Working Man: All the working tools of the person's profession or trade. Dress in work clothes; if not, have the clothing on a plastic adult doll. A 4x4 will be used as the hearse to the cemetery.

Zoo Keeper: Rent the local zoo, after closing, for a private viewing. NOTE: the location would be where the deceased visited often. In a recent case, it was the elephant area.

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SEE ALSO: Funeral rites and ceremonies; Undertakers and undertaking

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