Weekly Review

By Roger D. Hodge

Attorney General John Ashcroft mocked librarians for their opposition to provisions of the USA Patriot Act that permit federal agents to seize citizens' library records; Ashcroft said that the librarians were indulging in "baseless hysteria" and wondered why the FBI would care "how far you have gotten on the latest Tom Clancy novel." He did not make clear why the government needs access to library records, however,¹ and later said that no requests for such records had yet been made.² Members of the House and Senate appropriations committees agreed to kill funding for the Pentagon's Terrorist Information Awareness program (formerly known as Total Information Awareness) but said parts of the program would be used to spy on foreigners.³ The Bush Administration announced a new counterterrorism center that will assemble a "watch list" of about 100,000 terrorism suspects.⁴ JetBlue Airways admitted that last year it shared 5 million passenger itineraries with a defense contractor that was testing a passenger-screening system for the Transportation Security Administration.⁵ American soldiers continued to die in Iraq.⁶ Hans Blix, the former U.N. weapons inspector, denounced the British government's controversial dossier on Iraq's weaponry, which he said was the result of a "culture of spin, of hyping." "Advertisers will advertise a refrigerator in terms they do not quite believe in but you expect governments to be more serious and have more credibility."⁷ President Bush admitted that he has "no evidence" that Saddam Hussein was involved in the September 11 attacks, though he continued to assert, contrary to all known evidence, that there were "ties" between Hussein and Al Qaeda.⁸ An American soldier who was drinking beer after hours at the Baghdad city zoo shot and killed a Bengal tiger that had bitten another soldier who was trying to feed it.⁹ Paleontologists announced the discovery of the fossil remains of a prehistoric 1,500-pound rodent called Phoberomys pattersoni, or "Patterson's fearsome mouse."¹⁰ The United States vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution demanding that Israel refrain from deporting Yasir Arafat.¹¹ The International Monetary Fund accused Arafat of moving about $900 million into a bank account under his personal control.¹² Richard Grasso, the chairman of the New York Stock Exchange, resigned because of a scandal over his compensation, which at $139.5 million was thought by some people to be excessive. Merrill Lynch avoided criminal charges in the Enron affair by agreeing to let the government monitor some parts of its affairs for the next 18 months; the firm promised not to engage in any more shady business deals.¹³ The Senate passed a resolution of disapproval condemning the Federal Communication Commission's new rules giving more freedom to media monopolies.¹⁴ AOL Time Warner dropped "AOL" from its corporate name.¹⁵

Prime Minister Tony Blair, Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder, and President Jacques Chirac got together to talk about the latest American proposal for a Security Council resolution on Iraq. Chirac noted that "On Iraq, our views are not fully convergent."¹⁶ The next day Chirac called for an immediate transfer of sovereignty to the Iraqi people.¹⁷ L. Paul Bremer, the American overseer of Iraq, said that Iraqis were not quite ready for self-rule.¹⁸ Akila al-Hashemi, one of three women on the Iraqi governing council, was severely wounded in an assassination attempt.¹⁹ The government of Afghanistan was trying to explain why the homes of 30 families in Kabul were being demolished to build new houses for government officials.²⁰ Burmese opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi was hospitalized and underwent surgery for an unknown gynecological condition.²¹ President Bush admitted that his "road map" to peace in the Middle East wasn't working very well and blamed it all on Yasir Arafat.²² Bosnia began accepting bids for 105 tanks, 20,000 machine guns, 13,000 submachine guns, 21 missiles, and 13 million pieces of artillery and ammunition that were left over from its civil war.²³ Chinese troops were said to be massing along the North Korean border.²⁴ President Bush defended his latest "relaxation" of the Clean Air Act and said that letting companies pollute more will lead to cleaner air.²⁵ The National Park Service confirmed that the face of Mount Rushmore is moving.²⁶ Canada's government-grown medical marijuana was getting very poor reviews.²⁷ A new report from the British government claimed that Britons are the worst binge drinkers in Europe,²⁸ and Danish scientists discovered that women who drink wine have an easier time getting pregnant.²⁹

Scientists announced the discovery of the oldest known genitals, which belonged to the 400-million-year-old ancestor of the daddy longlegs; the fossil penis was two thirds the length of the creature's body.³⁰ British authorities were worried about the recent popularity of "dogging," or meeting strangers in public for unprotected sex, and they said that sexually transmitted diseases were on the rise.³¹ Archaeologists were surprised by evidence that Roman Britons wore socks with their sandals.³² Arnold Schwarzenegger claimed to have been lying when he boasted years ago about having group sex; he said that he was just trying to impress people and promote body building.³³ Governor Gray Davis of California said that California has "people from every planet."³⁴ The Dalai Lama met with singer Ricky Martin and then said that it was too early to tell whether the conquest of Iraq was a mistake.³⁵ A new study found that magnets do not ease foot pain.³⁶ It was reported that an elevator to space was under development and could be working in about 15 years.³⁷ Voters in Seattle rejected a proposed 10-cent tax on espresso.³⁸ Seven thousand mink were set free in Finland,³⁹ and 800 piglets blocked traffic for several hours on Interstate 40 in Oklahoma.⁴⁰ A South Korean farmer set himself on fire during a memorial for another Korean farmer who committed suicide (by stabbing himself in the heart with a Swiss Army knife) at the World Trade Organization meeting in Cancun, Mexico.⁴¹ The World Bank declared that Middle Eastern women are a "huge, untapped" resource.⁴² The Bolshoi Theatre in Moscow fired ballerina Anastasia Volochkova because, at 110 pounds, she is too fat.⁴³ Scientists were surprised to discover that low-calorie diets prolong the life of fruit flies no matter when the diet begins. "The system," said one professor, "has no memory."⁴⁴ A giant star was observed eating three planets.⁴⁵ Physicists in Romania created gaseous plasma blobs that grow, replicate themselves, and communicate, suggesting that life might emerge in a wider variety of conditions than scientists have thought possible.⁴⁶ The Galileo spacecraft crashed into Jupiter.⁴⁷ Physicists created the coolest object in the universe.⁴⁸ Los Angeles banned lap dancing.⁴⁹