Weekly Review

By Roger D. Hodge

Prime Minister Ariel Sharon of Israel announced plans to evacuate 17 Jewish settlements from the Gaza Strip. "I am working on the assumption that in the future there will be no Jews in Gaza," he said.¹ Yasir Arafat expressed disbelief, right-wing politicians were outraged, and one political ally suggested that the prime minister was merely trying to distract attention from corruption scandals that could result in his indictment.² It was reported that David Kay, the former American arms inspector, was shocked at the huge controversy created when he simply spoke the truth about the nonexistent Iraqi weapons of mass destruction.³ President George W. Bush said it was important to "compare the facts to what was thought," and he⁴ decided to order an investigation into American prewar intelligence failures.⁵ British Prime Minister Tony Blair authorized a similar investigation.⁶ Powerful Republicans were said to be urging President Bush to get rid of Dick Cheney, who continued to insist, contrary to all evidence, that stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction will be found in Iraq, and that Saddam Hussein was allied with Al Qaeda. "Am I the evil genius in the corner that nobody ever sees come out of his hole?" Cheney asked an interviewer. "It's a nice way to operate, actually."⁷ The United States released three teenagers from the Guantánamo Bay prison camp.⁸ A federal judge struck down as unconstitutionally vague the provision of the USA Patriot Act that bans giving "expert advice or assistance" to terrorists.⁹ It was reported that the U.S. government plans to order airlines to provide background information on all passengers for a new screening system, and officials¹⁰ in Iowa were thinking about joining the Matrix.¹¹

A federal judge tried for the third time to impose punitive damages on the Exxon Mobil Corporation for the Exxon Valdez oil spill fifteen years ago; Exxon Mobil said it would appeal the $4.5 billion judgment.¹² The National Research Council of the National Academies said that America's pollution laws are outdated, and a¹³ new study found that male dolphins, whales, and seals have been turning into hermaphrodites because of pollution.¹⁴ A pierced breast popped out of Janet Jackson's outfit during the Super Bowl halftime show, and a¹⁵ dead sperm whale with an unusually large penis exploded on a street in Taiwan, showering nearby pedestrians, cars, and shops with gore.¹⁶ In Jerusalem, a Palestinian suicide bomber blew up a bus, killing at least 11 people and spraying body parts into nearby buildings.¹⁷ A Canadian soldier was killed by a suicide bomber in Afghanistan, as was a British peacekeeper.¹⁸ In Iraq, a suicide bomber drove a car into a Baghdad hotel and killed three people; six¹⁹ U.S. soldiers were killed by roadside bombs; two employees of CNN were killed in an ambush; three²⁰ American soldiers were killed when a homemade bomb destroyed their Humvee; and nine Iraqis died when a suicide attacker drove a car into a police station.²¹ At least 67 Iraqi Kurds were killed and 247 were wounded in another suicide bombing.²² U.N. secretary general Kofi Annan sent a team to Iraq to see whether it was safe enough to hold elections.²³

One hundred twenty-four members of Iran's parliament resigned to protest the disqualification of more than 2,000 moderate candidates by the conservative Guardian Council.²⁴ Alain Juppé, the former prime minister of France, was convicted of corruption.²⁵ John Kerry won the New Hampshire primary, and reporters²⁶ continued to notice sartorial oddities among the Democratic presidential candidates.²⁷ A judge ruled that Arnold Schwarzenegger broke campaign-finance laws during the recent election, and the²⁸ California Assembly was considering a proposal to incorporate feng shui into the building code.²⁹ The Food and Drug Administration banned the feeding of cattle blood to calves. Dinner scraps from restaurants, known as "plate waste," will no longer be fed to cattle either, though rendered cows will still be fed to pigs and chickens, and vice versa.³⁰ Dr. Stanley Prusiner, the Nobel Prize-winning expert on prions, said that until all cattle are tested for mad cow disease, none should be considered safe, and he noted that improved feed practices will not prevent spontaneous cases.³¹ Dutch researchers found that some migraines are caused by brain disease.³² A Pennsylvania company recalled 52,000 pounds of beef that might be contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes.³³ The International Poultry Exposition was held in Atlanta; among the items on display were automated slaughterers, pluckers, and skinners; an antibiotic delivery device that injects 3,500 chicks per hour with pressurized air; metal detectors that cull bits of metal and bone from meat; and a hands-free neck-breaking machine.³⁴ The World Health Organization reported a possible case of human-to-human transmission of the avian flu that has killed millions of birds across Asia and at least 12 people.³⁵ China reported a new SARS case after the patient had already recovered.³⁶ A polio case was confirmed in the Central African Republic, which had been free of the disease since 2000, and³⁷ President Bush was reportedly planning to cut back on AIDS and poverty programs in the Third World.³⁸ Former president Jimmy Carter denounced the proposed Georgia state science curriculum, which omits basic information about the theory of natural selection, and scientists³⁹ discovered a new neurodegenerative disease that affects older men called fragile X-associated tremor/ataxia syndrome.⁴⁰ The Congressional Budget Office predicted a record $477 billion budget deficit this year; deficits over the next decade could reach more than $2 trillion if the president's tax cuts are extended.⁴¹ Amazon.com posted its first annual profit.⁴² Sea piracy was up 20 percent last year, and⁴³ Somalia's warlords reached yet another peace deal.⁴⁴ Fidel Castro accused George W. Bush of plotting to assassinate him.⁴⁵ Dick Cheney gave the pope a crystal dove.⁴⁶