Weekly Review

By Margaret Cordi

The wire master and his puppets, 1875.

In a furtive ceremony held two days ahead of schedule in order to pre-empt violence, the United States transferred "sovereignty" to Iraq. About 140,000 American troops remained in the country, with no mechanism in place between the two countries to govern the troops, and 150 Americans stayed on in Iraqi ministries as advisers.¹ Of the 2,300 construction projects promised by coalition forces, fewer than 140 were underway at the time of the transfer of power.² Outgoing proconsul L. Paul Bremer warned that Iraq's path to democracy would be messy, and noted, "It wasn't very pretty around here either between 1776 and 1787."³ In response to a note from Condoleezza Rice announcing Iraq's new status, President Bush wrote: "Let Freedom Reign!"⁴ Three days later, insurgents fired rockets from a bus and a pickup truck that hit two central Baghdad hotels, and a mortar attack on a military base near the city's airport wounded eleven U.S. soldiers.⁵ Court proceedings began at "Camp Victory," the American base near Baghdad, against Saddam Hussein, who identified himself as the current president of Iraq, and eleven members of his administration. "You know that this is all a theater by Bush, to help him win his election," Hussein observed. He was read criminal charges covering thirty years, including the 1988 gassing of Kurds in Halabja, which he recalled hearing about "on the radio." The U.S. said that Hussein had not provided any useful information while in custody, though he explained that he had his army invade Kuwait in 1990 to keep them busy.⁶ Observing that "a state of war is not a blank check for the president," the Supreme Court ruled that both foreign prisoners held at Guantánamo Bay and so-called enemy combatants held in the United States can use the American legal system to challenge their detention.⁷ Four American soldiers were charged with fatally pushing an Iraqi off a bridge in January for breaking a curfew.⁸ Scientists found that the sneakiest primates have the biggest brains.⁹ President Bush's approval rating fell to its lowest point, 42 percent.¹⁰

In Afghanistan, Taliban fighters killed fourteen unarmed men for registering to vote.¹¹ President Hamid Karzai begged NATO to send security troops to the country, and to "please hurry" in advance of September elections, but his request was rejected.¹² More than 2,100 Florida residents were found to be wrongly included on a list of ineligible voters.¹³ Nine members of the House of Representatives asked the United Nations to monitor the November elections, and¹⁴ two conservative groups were caught illegally promoting Ralph Nader's presidential candidacy in Oregon.¹⁵ The Bush-Cheney campaign asked church-going volunteers to provide church membership directories to state campaign committees, raising questions about whether the directive violates the separation between church and state.¹⁶ A Mexican farmer upset about not getting his party's nomination to run for the state legislature put on a crown of thorns and nailed himself to a wooden cross outside the state's electoral office.¹⁷ While in Turkey for the NATO summit, President Bush met with religious leaders and thanked them "for being so faithful to the Almighty God."¹⁸ The pope expressed outrage over the sacking of Constantinople by Christian crusaders in 1204.¹⁹ The FDA approved the use of blood-sucking leeches for medicinal purposes.²⁰ Lonely people were buying robotic fireflies.²¹

Hillary Clinton promised that if John Kerry wins the election, Bush's tax cuts will be eliminated: "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."²² The Supreme Court ruled that a federal law designed to shield children from Internet porn cannot be enforced, because it likely violates the First Amendment.²³ American military officers were worrying that promotional cans of Coca-Cola including cell phones and global positioning chips could be used to eavesdrop on classified meetings.²⁴ The Cassini spacecraft orbited Saturn and transmitted the first pictures of the icy rings circling the planet, and²⁵ the Hubble Space Telescope discovered a hundred new planets orbiting stars in the Milky Way.²⁶ Chiquita was busy engineering bananas that taste like different fruits.²⁷ The French government reported that the number of cows infected with mad cow disease in the past thirteen years is 300 times higher than previously suspected, with nearly 50,000 infected animals entering the food chain because the epidemic had gone undetected.²⁸ A 132-pound Japanese man ate 53 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes. "I think he has proven, once again, that he is one of the finest athletes of any sport in the world," concluded a spokesman.²⁹ A dead woman was suing the late Dr. Robert Atkins for giving her inadequate cancer-treatment advice.³⁰ Little boys in Utah were selling lemonade for $250 a glass to offset a potential $14 million judgment against the Boy Scouts for starting a wildfire.³¹ Experts warned that witches' broom disease and frosty pod disease could devastate chocolate supplies in coming years, and³² female rice farmers in Nepal were plowing their fields in the nude to please the rain god.³³ Colin Powell sang and danced to "YMCA" for foreign ministers at a conference on Asian-Pacific security.³⁴ A Hindu ascetic was busy rolling his way 800 miles from India to Pakistan to promote world peace.³⁵