Weekly Review

By Paul Ford

A bovine idyll.

The New York Times finally published an account of reporter Judith Miller's involvement in the Valerie Plame Wilson case. At issue in the case is a notebook in which Miller had written the name “Valerie Flame”; Miller said she could not recall the source of the name, even though she had used the same notebook to interview I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Dick Cheney's chief of staff. “We have everything to be proud of,” said Miller. It was reported that both Libby and Karl Rove would probably resign if indicted,^{1 2} and Lynne Cheney said that her husband Dick will not run for president in 2008.³ Eighteen police officers were killed in an ambush in southern Afghanistan,⁴ and a suicide car bomber killed 30 people in Talafar, Iraq; another suicide bomber killed seven people in western Baghdad.⁵ President George W. Bush visited a home-building project in Louisiana and spent a few minutes pounding nails into a sheet of plywood.⁶ Bush also held, via satellite, a public meeting with soldiers in Tikrit, Iraq. The White House denied the event was scripted, though video footage was released showing a Defense Department official coaching the soldiers before the interview, and one of the soldiers was later revealed to be a public-affairs officer.^{7 8 9} Tens of thousands of African Americans rallied in Washington, D.C., to mark the tenth anniversary of the Million Man March. Louis Farrakhan charged America “with criminal neglect” but did not repeat his allegations that the New Orleans levees had been blown up by bombs.¹⁰ A poll found that President Bush's job approval rating among African Americans was 2 percent, plus or minus 3.4 percentage points.¹¹ Sixty percent of Iraq's 15.5 million voters turned out to vote in a referendum on the proposed Iraqi constitution. Three Iraqi soldiers were killed carrying ballot boxes, and five U.S. soldiers were killed by a bomb in Ramadi; the United States retaliated by bombing two villages and claimed that 70 militants had been killed; eyewitnesses said 39 of those killed were civilians.^{12 13} Danish soldiers in Iraq and Kosovo were being issued soothing pillows that chirp like birds.¹⁴

Avian flu arrived in Romania and Turkey. In response, Bulgaria refused entry to a flock of 20 circus doves that had been performing in Turkey.^{15 16} Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, warned that a pandemic was on its way. “It's not a matter of when or if,” he said.¹⁷ Swiss scientists discovered that the prions that cause mad cow disease and scrapie can be passed through cow urine,¹⁸ and Belgian police issued a warning to whoever stole 440 pounds of leeks that the leeks were probably toxic.¹⁹ Gerhard Schroeder announced that he would quit the German government,²⁰ Ba Jin died,²¹ and a nine-year-old boy swam from Alcatraz to San Francisco.²² An overaffectionate English baboon licked all of the hair off her son's head.²³ A Chinese man was killed and eaten by the six black bears he was raising for their bile,²⁴ and Chinese porridge was increasingly popular in the San Francisco area.²⁵ A Chechen warlord took credit for coordinating attacks on the Russian city of Nalchik, claiming that 41 militants and 140 Russian troops were killed in the attack. Russia said that 94 militants, 33 Russian troops, and 12 civilians were killed in the attack.²⁶ In Florida one Walgreens employee stabbed another during an argument over who would be first to microwave her soup.²⁷ A Pennsylvania woman was arrested for trying to steal her pregnant neighbor's unborn baby with a razor knife,²⁸ Denmark's Crown Princess Mary gave birth to a son,²⁹ and Prince was told he should undergo hip-replacement surgery to repair the damage done from years of performing in high heels.³⁰ Police in Moldova were looking for a man who robs banks by hypnotizing the tellers.³¹ A CIA manager known only as “Jose” was named to oversee the entire U.S. spy community,³² and Harold Pinter won the Nobel Prize for Literature.³³

More details emerged in the case of the New Zealand financier arrested in Australia for bestiality with rabbits. Police said that when they arrested the man he had scratches on his hands and face; the man's lawyer said he molested the rabbits under the influence of methamphetamine. The head of the Australian Companion Rabbit Society pointed out that prostitutes were once called “bunnies.”³⁴ A Wisconsin man was arrested for putting an electric dog collar on his eight-year-old stepdaughter and zapping her for not eating fast enough,³⁵ and a Maine woman admitted to drowning her boyfriend's dachshund Dewey in a bathtub with the help of a friend. “Erin,” said an assistant county attorney, “was very, very jealous of Dewey.”³⁶ An eight-year-old St. Louis boy was killed in a hail of gunfire as he attempted to catch a praying mantis with a jar.³⁷ An Australian tortoise named Harriet was nearing her 175th birthday. The tortoise was originally collected from the Galapagos Islands, and misidentified as a male, by Charles Darwin.³⁸ Four Amish children in Minnesota were diagnosed with polio,³⁹ archaeologists in China discovered a 4,000-year-old bowl of noodles,⁴⁰ and a study by scientists at the University of Saskatchewan found that injecting rats with THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, stimulated the growth of new brain cells.⁴¹