Weekly Review

By Paul Ford

The United States military published its first public estimate of the number of Iraqi civilians and soldiers killed by Iraqi militants. The estimate appears as a single bar graph on page 23 of a report to Congress and does not provide actual numbers, but by extrapolating from the graph it appears that insurgents are wounding and killing 63 Iraqis a day, and have wounded or killed 25,902 Iraqis since the war began. Some analysts said the numbers seemed low. The number of Iraqi civilians wounded or killed by U.S. forces was not mentioned in the report.¹ The number of U.S. military personnel killed in Iraq rose to 2,023. "The best way to honor the sacrifice of our fallen troops," said President George W. Bush, "is to complete the mission."² Beavers were re-introduced to the British countryside for the first time in 500 years by a millionaire beaver enthusiast,³ and badgers were found to be digging tunnels under the fences of a U.K. prison.⁴ Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi claimed that in 2003 he repeatedly attempted to talk President Bush out of invading Iraq. "He told Bush?" asked the leader of an opposing political party. "Well, it means he doesn't count for anything at all."⁵ U.S. aircraft dropped explosives on a house in Iraq near the Syrian border, hoping to kill an Al Qaeda leader. An Iraqi doctor estimated 40 civilians were killed and 20 wounded in the precision bombing. "There are no insurgents in this area," said a tribal leader.⁶ Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called for Israel to be "wiped off the face of the map." Iran later said that it did not intend to invade Israel. "Westerners are free to comment," clarified Ahmadinejad, "but their reactions are invalid." ⁷ Two U.S. soldiers were charged with assaulting two Afghan prisoners in violation of the Geneva Convention.⁸ Harriet Miers withdrew her nomination to the Supreme Court,⁹ and a new Swedish passenger train was being praised because it runs on the entrails of dead cows.¹⁰ George Takei, who played Mr. Sulu on Star Trek, announced that he is gay,¹¹ and women's basketball star Sheryl Swoopes came out as a lesbian.¹² A 56-pound mushroom was found in Missouri.¹³

An Oregon woman won $1 million in the lottery, but was discovered to have purchased the winning ticket with a stolen credit card. If convicted, she will not be able to collect any prize money.¹⁴ Republican groups were calling on the federal government to halt all funds to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, which currently receives $400 million each year in federal funding. "That is enough money," said Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour, "to build 40 elementary schools."¹⁵ In Los Angeles a man dressed as Sesame Street's Elmo was arrested for panhandling.¹⁶ In Turkey 20 people were each fined $75.53 for using the letters "Q" and "W" during a Kurdish new year celebration.¹⁷ Hugo Chavez called on the people of Venezuela to stop celebrating Halloween, and said the holiday was the United States' way of "putting fear into other nations."¹⁸ In Delaware the body of a woman who hanged herself from a tree was pulled down after people realized she was not a decoration.¹⁹ I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, also known as "Cheney's Cheney," was indicted on one count of obstruction of justice, two counts of perjury and two counts of making false statements.²⁰ Karl Rove's alleged mistress was rumored to have left him for a ranch hand named Rhett Hard.²¹ A woman in Texas came down with dengue fever.²² At least 130 whales died after beaching in Tasmania; the Australian navy denied responsibility.²³ Marion Barry was charged with tax fraud.²⁴ In Brussels, a 47-year-old Flemish woman was arrested for racism after she called her husband a "lazy Walloon."²⁵

Neither the local police and fire departments nor the Coast Guard nor the City Department of Environmental Protection were able to identify the source of a pleasant, maple-syrup-like smell that wafted over much of New York City.²⁶ The European Union denied a French company's attempt to trademark the smell of fresh strawberries.²⁷ In Winnipeg, Canada, a trailer caught fire, causing $102,006 in damage, when flames spread from a bag of burning excrement left on its front porch.²⁸ Four fraternity members at California State University, Chico, were sentenced to jail time after one of their pledges died from "water intoxication"; during hazing the pledge was forced to drink several gallons of water.²⁹ In Andhra Pradesh, India, floods washed away sections of railway track, subsequently causing a derailment that killed at least 100 people. ³⁰ A Ford Escort once owned by Pope John Paul II sold for $680,000,³¹ and in Waco, Texas, a pastor stepped into a baptismal pool with a microphone in his hand and was electrocuted in front of 800 parishioners.³² President Bush nominated Judge Samuel A. Alito, Jr., to the Supreme Court,³³ and scientists discovered that at least one species of fish, the north Pacific salmon shark, has very warm blood.³⁴ In China eight elementary school children were killed and 45 injured in the stampede that started after someone yelled "ghosts are coming."³⁵ There were 39 months remaining in the Bush presidency.³⁶ Strange, vibrating lights were seen in the skies above California and Nevada.³⁷