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February 2006 · Readings · Previous · Next   PDF

Workers' paradise

From entries to Since Sliced Bread, a 2005 contest sponsored by the Service Employees International Union. Entrants were invited to submit policy ideas that would “improve the day-to-day lives of working men and women and their families.”

America's heartland is filled with dying towns, while America's prisons have more than 2,200 juveniles serving life without parole. Why not give these young men and women the chance to make positive contributions to our country, rather than rot in prison while costing taxpayers billions? Why not relocate these lifers to those dying towns in order to renovate them and bring new life to the communities? The towns would be self-contained. Townspeople would provide new-style guards, meals, services, etc.

Pay-Per-View executions. People see a bio, like in America's Most Wanted, and vote, like in American Idol, for the death they want to see. Fifty percent of the profits go to the victims' families. The money wasted on these animals is appalling, and, though extreme, this would “thin the herd.” This would also be a major deterrent to future criminals.

Establish a national organ-donor program that automatically enrolls all recipients of taxpayer-funded medical care, such as Medicaid and Medicare. Thousands fewer would die from lack of available organs. Taxpayers would feel better about their tax dollars going to welfare programs, particularly since many of these taxpayers cannot afford their own health insurance. Medicaid and Medicare recipients would feel like they were contributing and “giving back.”

Automatic Deposit Machines. All Americans should be given a Social Security card, similar to a debit card, the day they are born. All commercial locations should have an ADM machine. When people receive change, they simply insert their card and deposit the change. A receipt is printed, as well as the user's lifetime balance. Americans will retire millionaires!

Install power generators on exercise equipment such as bicycles and stairmasters at gyms. The energy could be used to power the individual building or be fed directly into the grid. The Department of Energy could be charged with monitoring generation and all Americans could receive a rebate/credit via their income taxes.

Perhaps we should make Mexico part of the United States—voluntarily, of course. Then we would eliminate the problem of illegal immigration, because they would all be citizens.

Move Martin Luther King Day so that it is the day after the Super Bowl. We would be able to party more after the Super Bowl because we wouldn't have to go to work the next day, and more private employers would make Martin Luther King Day a holiday.

Problem: People need more time. Solution: Give the people more time! The plan would be like ending daylight-savings time repeatedly, gaining fifty-two hours over the course of a year, by setting clocks back weekly, such as at midnight on Sundays, or by mandating that clock manufacturers make their clocks inherently slow. Instead of running on a money deficit as we do now, we would be deficiting our time. Since people die, it would not be possible to accumulate a “debt” of time, as happens with money.

Too much money is wasted on U.S. universities that don't benefit me or my family at all. No one I know ever got accepted or went to college, so why do me and my friends have to pay for it? Let's cut spending on wasteful U.S. universities and build more sports arenas. Sports arenas are something we can ALL enjoy, especially working families!

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SEE ALSO: Competitions; Quality of work life; Service industries workers; Trade-unions

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