Weekly Review

By Paul Ford

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld called for the United States to increase its propaganda efforts in the Middle East,¹ as riots over cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad continued around the world. In Nigeria 16 people were killed in rioting and 11 churches were burned; in Libya at least 10 people were killed; and in Pakistan at least 5 people were killed. In Volgograd, Russia, officials closed the city newspaper after it published a cartoon that showed Muhammad, Jesus, Moses, and Buddha watching TV together. Fifteen thousand people protested the cartoons in London. “We have to speak up,” said a Muslim demonstrator, “to prevent something like the Holocaust from happening.”^{2 3 4} The Arab European League website published cartoons mocking the Holocaust. One showed Adolf Hitler in bed with Anne Frank; Hitler says: “put this in your diary, Anne.”⁵ New photos of the torture at Abu Ghraib prison were released,⁶ and at least 19 people died in bombings across Iraq.⁷ The U.S. Army was worried that Abu Ghraib was becoming, according to one commander, “a graduate-level training ground for the insurgency.”⁸ U.S. President George W. Bush said that Americans should not be discouraged by slow progress in Iraq. "We've seen democracy change the world in the past," he said.⁹ The United States and Israel were working together to destabilize the Hamas-led government of Palestine. “It's not possible,” countered Hamas spokesman Farhat Asaad, “for the U.S. and the world to turn its back on an elected democracy.”¹⁰ Israel froze its $50 million monthly tax payments to Palestine,¹¹ and sheriffs from 10 different U.S. states visited Israel to learn more about homeland-security techniques.¹²

The United Nations issued a report calling on the United States to either try the approximately 500 inmates at the Guantánamo Bay prison for their crimes or release them.¹³ Another person died from bird flu in Iraq. The flu was also found in poultry in Germany, France, and Egypt, and 50,000 chickens died from the disease in India.^{14 15 16 17} In Guinsaugon, Philippines, at least 1,371 people were buried in a mudslide. Imelda Marcos promised to visit the region soon.¹⁸ Two Homeland Security guards in Bethesda, Maryland, were in trouble after they accused a man of using an Internet terminal in a public library to view pornography. An official said the guards had “overstepped their authority” and had subsequently been given other duties.¹⁹ The Supreme Court of Italy, considering the case of a man who forced his 14-year-old stepdaughter to perform oral sex, ruled that molesting girls who have already had sexual experience is not as bad as molesting virgins. “The real problem,” commented Mussolini's granddaughter, “is that there are no women in the supreme court.”²⁰ A study found that unattractive people commit more crimes,²¹ and Australian cane toads were out of control.²²

People were dying of thirst in southern Somalia; some were walking up to 45 miles to find water.²³ In Harare, Zimbabwe, twenty newborn babies and fetuses were being pulled from the sewers each week.²⁴ Author Margaret Atwood was planning to avoid book tours by signing books via remote-controlled robot.²⁵ A man in Texas was sentenced to 30 years in prison for raping his former girlfriend, then branding her,²⁶ and a woman in Minnesota was arrested for biting off part of another woman's nose. Police obtained a search warrant to recover the nose, which was then reattached.²⁷ An Illinois man was suing his ex-wife to keep her from having their 8-year-old son circumcised.²⁸ Toxoplasma parasites, found in cat feces, were causing deadly brain disease in U.S. otters,²⁹ and researchers in Australia found that tiger feces repel wild goats.³⁰ The U.S. Army was using a computer game called “Tactical Iraqi” to teach Marines how to interpret Iraqis' gestures; “Tactical Pashto” and “Tactical Levantine” are in development.³¹ Scientists in Italy found that the effects of Ecstasy on rats were intensified when the rats were made to listen to loud music,³² and NASA researchers found that the ice from glaciers in Greenland was flowing into the sea at double the rate of 10 years ago.³³ A British nurse was in trouble for slapping her co-workers with a frozen trout,³⁴ and Texas attorney Harry Whittington apologized for the trouble he caused when he was shot by Vice President Dick Cheney.³⁵