Weekly Review

By Paul Ford

Caught in the Web, 1860.

Iran announced that it had successfully produced low-grade enriched uranium; to celebrate, men in traditional dress danced with uranium samples.¹ The Iranian government also promised to give $50 million to the Palestinian Authority, now controlled by Hamas, which let it be known that it would recognize Israel's right to exist if the Jewish state were to withdraw from the entire West Bank, East Jerusalem, and Gaza. ^{2 3} A suicide bomber killed nine people at a falafel restaurant in Tel Aviv,⁴ and in Sri Lanka bomb attacks by Tamil rebels killed 16 people.⁵ At least five U.S. soldiers were killed in Iraq, and a car bombing in Baquba killed 27 people.^{6 7} Some Iraqis were changing their names to avoid being identified as either Sunni or Shiite. “[I] don't want my children to die,” said the Shiite father of Ali, Hassan, and Fatima, “just because of their names.”⁸ Close to 65,000 Iraqis had fled their homes to avoid sectarian violence,⁹ and six former U.S. generals called for Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld to resign.¹⁰ It was reported that Rumsfeld was “personally involved” in the torture of Guantánamo Bay detainee Mohamed al-Qahtani, who was made to perform “dog tricks”; Rumsfeld was allegedly briefed on the progress of al-Qahtani's interrogations by phone.¹¹ Vice President Dick Cheney, who will receive a $1.9 million refund on his 2005 taxes, was booed at a Washington Nationals baseball game, where he threw out the first pitch. “I have never, ever,” said one fan, “heard anyone get booed like that man.”^{12 13} Peace activist William Sloane Coffin ¹⁴ and author Muriel Spark died,¹⁵ and Tiger Woods apologized for calling himself a spaz.¹⁶

Officials in Afghanistan said that 41 Taliban and six police officers had been killed in fighting in the Helmand province; a Taliban spokesman claimed 15 Afghan police and one Taliban were killed.¹⁷ It was revealed that the U.S. military had mounted a propaganda campaign, targeting Iraq and the United States, intended to make Abu Muab al-Zarqawi, the Jordanian leader (or possibly former leader) of Al Qaeda in Iraq, appear more powerful than he is. One document describing the campaign was called “Villainize Zarqawi/leverage xenophobia response.”¹⁸ A poll found that 63 percent of Americans were “absolutely certain” of the physical resurrection of Jesus Christ.¹⁹ Other polls found: that 55 percent of Americans want a Massachusetts-style health care law;²⁰ that 52 percent of Americans would give up some tax deductions for a simpler tax code;²¹ that 51 percent of Americans oppose gay marriage (the same percentage that thinks illegal immigrants mostly contribute to American society);^{22 23} and that 46 percent of Americans use profanity more than twice a week.²⁴ Further polls found that 90 percent of Americans believe their peers are too fat, but only 40 percent believe they are too fat themselves,²⁵ and that nearly three quarters of 10- to 13-year-old Americans like quesadillas.²⁶ Sixty-two percent of Mexicans polled agreed that the United States is wealthy because it exploits others.²⁷

An audit found that FEMA misspent at least $1 billion in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina,²⁸ and theater programs for the deaf, operating on a shoestring, were trying to figure out who in Congress cut their $2 million in federal funding in December 2004.²⁹ In Italy, Bernardo Provenzano, also called The Tractor, the alleged head of the Italian mafia, was arrested near Corleone in Sicily.³⁰ Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi refused to admit that he had lost his seat to Romano Prodi; Prodi urged Berlusconi to admit defeat.³¹ Roger Toussaint, the head of the Transport Workers Union in New York City, was sentenced to 10 days in jail for leading a transit strike in December 2005.³² In Athens, Georgia, several agents from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms briefly detained a University of Georgia student who was dressed as a ninja. “Seeing someone with something across the face,” said a special agent, “from a federal standpoint—that's not right.” The student said he was leaving a pirate vs. ninja event.³³ In London, a woman's skeletal remains were found two years after her death, propped in front of a still-on TV. “I did notice a kind of rotten smell,” said a neighbor, “but the bins downstairs are strong and the stairwells smell with junkies.” ³⁴ Former Illinois Governor George Ryan was convicted of racketeering,³⁵ and in Purcell, Oklahoma, a man named Kevin Ray Underwood was arrested for killing a 10-year-old girl named Jamie Rose Bolin. “I chopped her up,” he told police. “Regarding a potential motive,” said a police chief, “this appears to have been part of a plan to kidnap a person, rape them, torture them, kill them, cut off their head, drain the body of blood, rape the corpse, eat the corpse, then dispose of the organs and bones.” The police also announced that they had removed skewers and a meat tenderizer from Underwood's apartment.³⁶ Researchers in Africa discovered a catfish that stretches out of the water to eat land animals,³⁷ Prince Albert of Monaco reached the North Pole,³⁸ and scientists in Britain found that human fetuses cannot feel pain.³⁹