Weekly Review

By Roger D. Hodge

United States forces succeeded in killing Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the leader of Al Qaeda in Iraq, with two five-hundred-pound bombs that were dropped on a safe house north of Baghdad. Zarqawi reportedly survived the bombing at first and even tried to get away but was strapped to a stretcher, where he died. The U.S. military denied reports that American soldiers had beaten the dying terrorist. "He died while American soldiers were attempting to save his life," said General George Casey. Al Qaeda promised to respond with “major attacks.”^{1 2 3} Tom DeLay, the former Republican majority leader who was forced to resign because he is corrupt, said farewell to the House of Representatives. Dozens of Democrats walked out during his speech. “I did a good job,” DeLay said. “I helped build the largest political coalition in the last 50 years.”⁴ Texas executed an axe murderer, and⁵ it was reported that scientists have created a new type of synthetic snakebite antivenom.⁶ Florida's wildlife officials decided to remove the manatee, which has a mild taste that readily adapts itself to recipes for beef, from the state's endangered-species list.⁷ A new Gallup poll found that Muslim women are generally happy with their lot and think that Western values lead to moral decay, pornography, and promiscuity.⁸ New computer viruses were exploiting World Cup fever,⁹ and British scientists claimed that men drink heavily at sporting events in order to compensate for their masculine shortcomings.¹⁰

President George W. Bush traveled to Artesia, New Mexico, to address the Border Patrol Academy and suggested that immigrants had better learn to speak good American. “I knew I was in pretty good country when I saw all the cowboy hats,” he said. “And I think I saw one guy spitting in a can.”¹¹ Three detainees at the American prison camp at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, committed suicide using nooses made from clothing and bedsheets. “They have no regard for human life, neither ours nor their own,” said Navy Rear-Admiral Harry Harris. “I believe this was not an act of desperation but an act of asymmetric warfare against us.” All three men had been in the camp for about four years and had recently engaged in a hunger strike.¹² The attorney for Staff Sgt. Frank D. Wuterich, one of the marines charged with the Haditha massacre, asserted that the massacre, though “tragic,” was nonetheless “lawful” and was the result of following “the rules of engagement and standard protocol.”¹³ It was reported that the Pentagon has decided to remove a reference to Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions from a new edition of the Army Field Manual on interrogation. That article bans torture and cruel treatment as well as “outrages on personal dignity, in particular, humiliating and degrading treatment.” The change, which would reverse decades of military policy, follows President Bush's declaration in 2002 that the Geneva Conventions do not apply to “unlawful combatants” such as terrorists.¹⁴ A report by the Council of Europe charged that European countries (including Germany, Spain, Sweden, Greece, and Italy) served as a “global spider web” for the CIA's secret abduction and unlawful transfer of terrorism suspects to its network of torture camps around the world.¹⁵ The United States issued a report on the global sex trade and rebuked Germany for being “a source, transit, and destination country” for prostitutes. ¹⁶ Donald Rumsfeld, the American secretary of defense, traveled to Vietnam, where he complained that Russia is a bully and China is secretive; he also observed that when Vietnam's first university was founded in 1070 American Indians were still living in mud huts. “That's impressive,” he said.¹⁷ Indonesia's defense minister scolded Rumsfeld for being overbearing.¹⁸ President Vladimir Putin of Russia had lunch with Henry Kissinger, who said afterward that he has confidence in “Russian evolution.” “What if my grandmother had certain sexual attributes?” Putin asked a reporter. “Then she would would be my grandfather.” ¹⁹ A new study found that the quality of men's sperm deteriorates as they grow older and could lead to an increase in dwarf babies.²⁰

Armed gunmen abducted more than 50 bystanders at a Baghdad bus stop, and it was announced that May was the deadliest month for Baghdad residents since the beginning of the American occupation. A total of 1,398 bodies were found throughout the city, alongside roads, in garbage dumps, and in abandoned cars, though many others have been abducted, never to be seen again.²¹ British special forces were being trained to use strap-on “batwings” rather than parachutes; the lightweight carbon wings permit the soldiers to be dropped at high altitudes and then glide for more than 100 miles before landing.²² The Senate failed to pass a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage,²³ and Macy's removed two gay-pride mannequins from a Boston display window after the store received complaints.²⁴ It was reported that the United States carried out 750 air strikes in Afghanistan last month and that²⁵ plans were being made to send United Nations troops to Darfur.²⁶ Serbia declared itself to be a sovereign state.²⁷ Javier Solana, Europe's foreign-policy director, formally offered Iran a package of incentives designed to persuade the Islamic state to give up its nuclear ambitions; that same day, according to the International Atomic Energy Agency, Iran restarted its uranium-enrichment program.^{28 29} An Israeli artillery shell killed at least seven civilians, including five members of one family (including young children aged ten, three, and one) who were picnicking on a beach in Gaza. Israeli officials expressed regret and said that the shell had been aimed at a target 400 yards away from the picnic. Hamas declared that it would no longer abide by a 16-month-old cease-fire and fired a rocket into Israel. ³⁰ The Army Corps of Engineers admitted that its incompetence was largely to blame for the destruction of New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina.³¹ The Food and Drug Administration asked restaurants to help Americans eat less. “We must take a serious look at the impact these foods are having on our waistlines,” said a health-promotion official named Penelope Slade Royall.³² Whole Foods was concerned about the well-being of its fresh lobsters, and³³ the New York Times reported that tar-paper shacks have been selling briskly in South African shanty towns.³⁴ A group of high school students in Florida found a real corpse at a fake crime scene.³⁵ American conservationists were airlifting endangered frogs out of Panama in their luggage.³⁶ Surgeons in Shanghai successfully removed a baby boy's third arm.³⁷