Smooth operator

operator: What’s the problem? Tell me exactly what’s happened.

sarah leismeier: Er, I think I’m having a baby right now.

operator: You think you’re having a baby?

leismeier: Yes. [Groans.]

operator: I’m going to ask you some questions now. It won’t delay the ambulance, okay?

leismeier: Okay. Oh, Jesus Christ. [Groans.] Oh, God.

operator: How old are you?

leismeier: Um, thirty.

operator: Is there anyone there with you?

leismeier: No, nobody. There’s someone on the way, apparently.

operator: Okay. How many weeks or months pregnant are you?

leismeier: I’m forty-plus.

operator: And is the baby completely out?

leismeier: No, I’ve just got so much pressure, and I’m pushing so much—

operator: Can you see, feel, or touch any part of the baby?

leismeier: Um, no, I don’t think so, but it looks very open down there.

operator: Are you having contractions?

leismeier: Yeah, every thirty seconds or so.

operator: Is there any serious bleeding?

leismeier: Yes.

operator: Right, okay. Do you have any high-risk complications?

leismeier: Um, no. [Cries out.]

operator: Listen carefully and do exactly as I say, okay? Where are you at the moment, and how long is the person who’s coming going to be?

leismeier: [Voice strained.] Um, I’m not sure.

operator: You’re not sure. Is the door open for them to come in?

leismeier: No. Oh, God—

operator: How far are you away from the door? Can you get to the door and back to the phone? Or take the phone with you?

leismeier: I can’t at the moment. There’s something coming out.

operator: Right. Get on the floor, okay?

leismeier: Yes. [Cries out.] It’s the head. It’s out.

operator: It’s the head, is it? Okay, the head’s out. Is the baby crying or breathing?

operator: Okay, with each contraction, place the palm of your hand—

leismeier: Oh, God.

operator: —against your vagina and apply firm but gentle pressure to keep the baby’s head from delivering too fast and tearing you.

leismeier: I don’t know what I’m doing.

operator: Are you able to put your hand against your vagina?

leismeier: Yeah.

operator: As the baby delivers, support its head and shoulders, and hold the hips and legs firmly. Remember, it will be slippery—don’t drop it.

leismeier: Um. There’s just a lump there. The head, I think it is. I’m not sure.

operator: With each contraction, remember to press your hand with firm, gentle pressure against your vagina to stop the baby from delivering too quickly, okay?

leismeier: Okay. Oh, God. [Groans.] Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I think the whole thing’s here. Oh, it’s out. It’s out.

operator: Is the baby crying and breathing?

leismeier: It’s crying and coughing.

operator: Listen carefully, and I’ll tell you exactly what to do next, okay?

leismeier: Okay.

operator: Do not cut the cord. Do not pull on the cord. The afterbirth should deliver soon. You’ve done really, really well. Do you know what you’ve got?

leismeier: Um, a boy, I think. I can’t believe it—I need to get a towel or something for him.

operator: Stay there now until the ambulance crew gets to you.

leismeier: I need to go and open the door as well. Sorry, it’s just that I’m on a corded phone.

operator: With the baby? Er, I think you should just stay there. Don’t open the door. It was a bit of a surprise, all happened a bit quickly, didn’t it?

leismeier: Um, yeah, I only woke up about half an hour ago.

operator: Did you say this was your first delivery?

leismeier: Um, my third. My daughter’s upstairs.

operator: Is she able to open the door?

leismeier: No, she’s only one. [Talking toward the door.] Okay, I’m coming. Um, I’ve had the baby.

paramedic: Well done! What have you got there? You’ve got a little boy! All right, I’ll just get that cord.