Weekly Review

By Paul Ford

President Barack Obama addressed a joint session of Congress, offering a broad outline of a massive spending plan paired with $2 trillion in spending cuts over the next decade. “Now is the time,” he said, “to jump-start job creation, restart lending, and invest in areas like energy, health care, and education.”¹ It was announced that General Motors lost $30.9 billion last year; that U.S. GDP fell 6.2 percent in the fourth quarter of 2008, exceeding the officially predicted 3.8 percent drop, and even the 5.5 percent drop economists had expected; and that the U.S. government will own up to 36 percent of Citigroup.^{2 3 4 5 6} James Baker, Ronald Reagan's Treasury secretary, called on the Obama Administration to nationalize America's zombie banks. ⁷ The Rocky Mountain News ceased publication.⁸ Fifty-four percent of graduating U.S. business majors lacked job offers, and Latham & Watkins, an international law firm, planned to lay off 8 percent of its attorneys with six months' severance (up to $100,000 plus benefits) and to pay recent law-school hires up to $75,000 to defer work until late 2010.^{9 10} The U.S. gave a further $30 billion to insurer A.I.G. atop the $133 billion already doled out, and the Dow fell below 7,000 for the first time since October 1997.^{11 12} The White House released a $3.6 trillion budget for fiscal year 2010, calling for a $630 billion health-care fund. “This budget,” said House Republican Leader John Boehner (R., Ohio), “makes clear that the era of big government is back.”¹³ Warren Buffet published his annual letter to Berkshire Hathaway shareholders. “The economy will be in shambles throughout 2009,” he wrote, “and, for that matter, probably well beyond.”¹⁴

Many Americans were impressed by the supple firmness of Michelle Obama's upper arms. “This woman is redecorating the White House, trying to raise two children, and backseat-driving the nation,” said a 25-year-old woman who watched the first lady on television, then went to an Adidas store in New York City and bought two five-pound dumbbells. “She seems to have time to keep her arms toned, so why can't I?” ¹⁵ A rocket carrying the NASA Orbiting Carbon Observatory, intended to track global warming, crashed on launch.¹⁶ Hamas and Fatah held peace talks in Cairo.¹⁷ President Barack Obama announced that he would pull all combat troops out of Iraq by 2010, and asked Congress for an extra $200 billion for the next eighteen months of war.^{18 19} The Pentagon lifted the ban on photographing the coffins of dead American soldiers.²⁰ The number of priests was rising,²¹ and HIV was evolving.²² Paul Harvey died.²³ California declared a state of drought emergency.²⁴ One hundred and fifty people applied, and ten were hired, to wait tables at a topless coffeeshop in Vassalboro, Maine. “People like nudity,” said owner Donald Crabtree, “and coffee is profitable.”²⁵

Thieves stole up to 7 million euros from the Bank of Ireland in Dublin,²⁶ and Irish protesters demonstrated at the ministry of finance against U2, which has relocated to the Netherlands to avoid taxes on royalties. “I don't need to pay like you/No, I won't pay like you/Because I still haven't learned about democracy,” sang one Bono impersonator to the tune of “I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.”²⁷ British researchers identified the oldest words in English as “I,” “we,” “two,” and “three,” and predicted the death of “bad.”²⁸ Three people in Louisiana were arrested for attempting to swap two small children for $175 and a cockatoo,²⁹ and the principal of a London school, charged with downloading child pornography, skipped bail after undergoing treatment for a thyroid condition. “Please warn officers that when he is arrested he might be radioactive,” said a judge. “This is not a joke.”³⁰ A study of 1.3 million British women found that a single drink per day increases the risk of cancer of the breast, liver, and rectum.³¹ A fireman in Oklahoma was arrested for starting small grass fires near his firehouse,³² and a man in Boston was treated for burns after he started a fire inside his car in an attempt to keep warm.³³ Three people with “personal grievances” set themselves on fire in a car just outside of Tiananmen Square (where soldiers stand next to fire extinguishers to extinguish protesters), and in Sichuan province a Tibetan monk named Tapey was shot by police after he set himself ablaze.^{34 35} Ten people in Bloomingdale, Indiana, watched as a 58-year-old Wal-Mart employee, described by management as “fun to be around,” set himself alight in a parking lot near the store where he worked. People threw their coats on the man, but he tossed the coats away; before succumbing to burns he told police, “I just couldn't take it anymore.” The man's son said that his father had enjoyed living in the suburbs. “This had nothing to do with the economy,” said the son. “We were getting ready to redo the front lawn.” ³⁶