Findings — From the February 2017 issue

Findings

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Donald Trump called for a “standard protocol dedicated for acquiring adjacent nonneoplastic tissue that minimizes neoplasm contamination” and concluded that outcomes following robot-assisted cystectomy were better with optimal rather than with suboptimal neoadjuvant chemotherapy. A study found that during the final three months of the U.S. presidential campaign, the media portrayed both major-party candidates as unfit for office 87 percent of the time. Folie à deux was described in a pair of seventy-year-old twins. Linguists proposed that Neanderthal grammar was nonhierarchical. Doctors reported the case of a man who experiences déjà vécu every time he watches the news. U.S. men have experienced no net increase in median pretax income since 1962, and between white and black U.S. men the wage gap has widened to a level not seen since 1950. Over the past two centuries, the preference for positive words, which is linguistically universal, declined in America. In 2014, more white people died than were born in seventeen U.S. states, compared with four states a decade earlier. Archaeologists announced the recovery, from a mass grave of people murdered by Fascists during the first year of the Spanish civil war, of forty-five intact brains and one intact heart. An astronomer concluded that the planetary alignment observed by the Magi at Christ’s birth will not occur again for at least half a million years.

The Spiritual Science Research Foundation found that homosexuality is due in 5 percent of gay men to hormonal imbalances, in 10 percent to formative same-sex experiences, and in 85 percent to possession by female ghosts. Sri Lankan doctors described the “first reported case in the forensic literature of a man being pronounced dead with an artificial vagina in situ.” A nineteen-year-old Italian woman complaining of dry mouth while in treatment for schizophrenia died while ingesting a sole (Solea solea) whole. Of 307 male Istanbullus undergoing court-ordered paraphilic evaluation, 8.1 percent exhibited exhibitionism. A fifth of pedophiles fantasize that they are the same age as their objects of desire. Asexual men are almost as likely as sexual men to masturbate at least monthly. The World Journal of Clinical Pediatrics published a dubious pro-circumcision article, then refused to retract it. Independent raters found that a man’s mixture of perfume and body odor is significantly more attractive when the perfume is chosen by his sister than when chosen by the man himself or by his girlfriend. The presence of cheering spectators increases men’s but decreases women’s competitive consumption of chicken wings.

Warming oceans were causing rabbitfish to overgraze kelp forests, 102 million trees had died in California’s drought, and Earth’s technosphere had come to weigh 33 trillion tons. The shortening of the snow season in northern Sweden by two months over the past thirty years has harmed the practice of reindeer herding. Reindeer were shrinking. Species whose males possess ostentatious ornaments may be more vulnerable to climate change. Historical rates of temperature adaptation by various species were found to be 200,000 times slower than the projected rate of temperature change in the near future. A king tide caused by a supermoon stranded an octopus in a Miami parking garage. The West Antarctic Ice Sheet continued to disintegrate from the inside out. A temperature increase of 1º C will likely release an additional 60 billion tons of stored carbon into the atmosphere, accelerating the feedback effect. Plans to cool the planet by reflecting the sun back into space are too risky for aggressive implementation. Authorities admitted that over the summer a man dissolved in a Yellowstone hot spring. A 95 percent complete dodo skeleton sold for £280,000. Lost sleep is costing the United States $411 billion annually.

The Wildebai and The Watchmen, paintings by Adam Lee, whose work is currently on view at STATION, in Melbourne, Australia. Courtesy the artist and STATION, Melbourne, Australia.

The Wildebai and The Watchmen, paintings by Adam Lee, whose work is currently on view at STATION, in Melbourne, Australia. Courtesy the artist and STATION, Melbourne, Australia.

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