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L. Paul Bremer, the American proconsul in Iraq, in one of his final acts before handing over “sovereignty” to Iraq’s new interim government, decreed that American forces will remain immune from prosecution by Iraqi courts for crimes against Iraqi citizens or destruction of property. It was noted that a similar grant of immunity in Iran in the 1960s had unfortunate consequences. “Our honor has been trampled underfoot; the dignity of Iran has been destroyed,” said the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini in 1964. He said that the order “reduced the Iranian people to a level lower than that of an American dog.”Washington Post “My understanding of this issue,” said General Richard Myers, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, “is that the CPA orders cannot be repealed or modified until Iraq’s permanent government is in place to enact legislation.”Agence France-PresseThe White House disavowed a Justice Department memorandum that argues that it’s okay to torture terrorism suspects.Washington PostPaul Wolfowitz, the deputy defense secretary, apologized for saying the reporters in Iraq were just repeating rumors because they’re too afraid to travel, andReutersColin Powell said that declaring martial law in Iraq would make things worse.ReutersIraqi insurgents killed more than 100 people in one day in attacks all across the country, aWashington PostSouth Korean hostage was beheaded, threeNew York TimesTurks and a Pakistani were kidnapped, and militants threatened to kill a captured U.S. Marine.ReutersA poll showed that most Americans now think the invasion of Iraq was a mistake that has made the country more vulnerable to terrorism.USA Today
President George W. Bush was questioned by U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald as part of the investigation into who in the White House exposed the identity of Valerie Plame, a covert CIA operative, as part of a campaign to discredit her husband, former ambassador Joseph Wilson, who criticized the decision to conquer Iraq.ReutersThe Supreme Court declined to make Dick Cheney release the records of his 2001 Energy Task Force and sent the case back to a lower court for further consideration;ReutersCheney said he felt much better after he told Senator Patrick Leahy, who has been critical of Halliburton’s war profiteering in Iraq, to go fuck himself.ReutersLos Angeles police officers were videotaped beating a black man after he surrendered peacefully.New York TimesMonica Lewinsky denounced Bill Clinton’s new memoir and said that he had destroyed her life.ReutersA judge in Oklahoma was accused of using a penis pump in court.USA Today
Al Gore said that George W. Bush is a liar for repeatedly suggesting that Saddam Hussein was allied with Osama bin Laden and that the president’s “consistent and careful artifice is itself evidence that he knew full well that he was telling an artful and important lie.”ReutersScientists discovered that rats who snort a special virus do not get as high on cocaine.New ScientistIt was reported that the Rev. Sun Myung Moon was crowned in the Senate office building after announcing that he is the “savior, Messiah, Returning Lord and True Parent.” Several lawmakers from both major parties were present, including Rep. Danny Davis, who wore white gloves as he placed the crown on Moon’s head.The HillTwo bombs went off in Istanbul.Agence France-PresseHealth experts warned of a possible polio epidemic in western and central Africa, and theNew ScientistDepartment of Health and Human Services took steps to limit free contact between American scientists and the World Health Organization.ReutersToxic chemical pollution was up 5 percent in 2002, the EPA announced.Associated PressHappy married women have healthier hearts than lonely unhappy women, and anReutersIranian mother claimed to have given birth to a frog.BBCNew research suggested that needle biopsies might help spread breast cancer to the sentinel node.ReutersAnother mad cow was apparently discovered somewhere in the United States, but the USDA refused to say where until more tests were completed.Associated PressBritish researchers found that sudden infant death syndrome is more likely to happen on weekends.BBCThe first privately funded astronaut made it into space.New ScientistA Japaneseteacher forced a student to write an apology in his own blood after he was caught sleeping in class.MSNBCA Germanzoologist announced that bees are really quite lazy,Telegraphand scientists said that SARS was found in tears.BBC
More from Roger D. Hodge:
Estimated total calories members of Congress burned giving Bush’s 2002 State of the Union standing ovations:
A fertility scientist named Panayiotis Zavos announced that he had created human-cow embryos that were theoretically viable, but denied that he planned to allow such a hybrid to be implanted in a woman’s womb. “We are not trying to create monsters,” he said.
A statistician determined that the five most common first names among New York City taxi drivers are Md, Mohammad, Mohammed, Muhammad, and Mohamed.
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“I hope that after reading the following pages the leaders of the Y. M. C. A. will start a campaign to induce good young men to do nothing. If so, I shall not have lived in vain.”