Weekly Review — February 15, 2005, 12:00 am

Weekly Review

[Image: a very upset, poisoned cat.]

It was Lent.The Arizona RepublicDeep Throat was dying,Miami Heraldand the creator of Dolly the sheep was granted a license to clone humans.ReutersA NASA study found that 2004 was the fourth-warmest year on record, andThe New York Timesa report showed that, between April and September 2001, the Federal Aviation Administration received fifty-two reports about Al Qaeda’s plans to hijack airplanes.Washington PostScientists at the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service told of being forced to cover up their findings regarding risks to endangered species. Forty-two percent said they feared retaliation if they told the truth.Union of Concerned ScientistsKarl Rove was promoted.AZ CentralCondoleezza Rice visited Paris, andGuardianDonald Rumsfeld visited Iraq, whereNews24election results were announced. Several parties gained seats in the newly created Iraqi parliament, including the United Iraqi Alliance, the Kurdistan Alliance, the Iraqi List, “Iraqis,” the Turkmen Iraqi Front, National Independent Elites and Cadres Party, the Communist Party, the Islamic Kurdish Society, the Islamic Labor Movement in Iraq, the National Democratic Alliance, National Rafidain List, and the Reconciliation and Liberation Entity.The New York TimesAlberto Gonzales was sworn in as attorney general, andThe New York Timesit was discovered that George W. Bush reads newspapers, likes his iPod, and recycles.LA TimesLaura Bush fired the White House chef, andIHTNorth Korea decided to ramp up its nuclear program in response to threats from the U.S.CNN.comSaudi Arabia denied that it was shopping for nuclear weapons.Dailytimes.com.pk

Wal-Mart announced plans to close a store in Canada after the store’s workers unionized;The Streetin a separate case, the company agreed to pay $135,540 in fines for breaking child-labor laws.ABC NewsHewlett-Packard fired CEO Carly Fiorina,The New York TimesVerizon agreed to buy MCI, andThe New York TimesHoward Dean was elected chairman of the Democratic National Committee.BBC NewsChimpanzees were found to have a sense of justice, andScientific Americansecret documents showed that Cambridge University, among other institutions, has neglected and tortured monkeys in its laboratories. The monkeys screamed in fear and anger and tried to escape from their boxes.GuardianThe pope endorsed suffering.APThe last witness to the miraculous appearance of the Virgin Mary at Fatima died, andThe Daily Telegrapha Canadian clinic planned to offer prescription heroin.APThe Supreme Court of California decided to allow mentally retardeddeath-rowprisoners to appeal their cases.LA TimesA four-year-old Michigan boy snuck out of the house and drove his mother’s car to a video store, andCNN.comNASA decided to scrap the Hubble space telescope.New ScientistThe Commerce Department announced that the U.S. had a $672 billion trade deficit in 2004.BBC NewsA New York City man died of a new drug-resistant and extremely virulent strain of HIV that causes AIDS in only twenty months.CNN.comMahmoud Abbas and Ariel Sharon shook hands across a table and declared a truce between Israel and Palestine.BBC NewsThe Queen of Denmark sued Missy Elliott for infringing on her crest,SFGatePrince Charles was engaged to Camilla Parker Bowles, andNY Postconservatives began considering Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty for the 2008 presidency.ABC News

Congress was once more casting its eye towards the oil in Alaska’s Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.Washington PostThe Bush Administration continued to promote its plan to gut Social Security, andABC Newsactor Tom Sizemore tried to cheat on a drug test by using a fake penis to pass urine.SFGateA Swedish woman found a “medium-sized” penis in a bottle of ketchup. “I will never buy this brand again,” she said.Mail and Guardian OnlineZimbabwean women’s track-and-field star Samukeliso Sithole turned out to be male. Sithole, who owns several beasts, claims that his penis has grown in only recently.AllAfrica.comThe government of Uganda was concerned about a production of the play “The Vagina Monologues.” “The author of the film is a known lesbian who lives with another woman,” said James Nsaba Buturo, the minister for information. “She worships the female sexual organ, seeing it as her god.”All AfricaAlan Keyes disowned his daughter and threw her out of his house because she is a lesbian.Washington PostIt was discovered that the United States has been sending unmanned drones to spy on Iran’snuclear facilities since April 2004.Chicago TribuneUnited Statesimmigration authorities were evaluating a program that uses unmanned drones to patrol the border of Arizona and Mexico, andUSA TodayIsrael unveiled a tiny new drone that can be launched from a canister.Jerusalem PostIsrael has also developed a bomb that stinks for five years.Al JazeeraAnti-Semitism was on the rise in London; there were complaints of arson, beatings, and the mailing of a snuffbox filled with excrement.The IndependentIn Afghanistan, a French soldier committed suicide, andNews.com.auat the Best Buy in the Hudson Valley Mall in Kingston, New York, a man ran amok with an AK-47, injuring an Army recruiter.ABC NewsArthur Miller died, andThe New York Timesone out of six British secondary-school students identified Winston Churchill as an insurance salesman.The SunA Kansas woman left mute by a 1984 head injury began to speak again. “Okay,” she said, “okay.”KansasCity.comGeneral Motors was spending more for health care than for steel, andKalamazoo Gazettea study showed that lobsters probably don’t feel pain when boiled.Capital News 9

Share
Single Page

More from Paul Ford:

From the May 2010 issue

Just like heaven

Weekly Review March 23, 2010, 12:00 am

Weekly Review

Weekly Review November 24, 2009, 12:00 am

Weekly Review

Get access to 165 years of
Harper’s for only $45.99

United States Canada

CATEGORIES

THE CURRENT ISSUE

September 2016

Acceptable Losses

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

Home

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

Tennis Lessons

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

Tearing Up the Map

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

Land of Sod

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

Only an Apocalypse Can Save Us Now

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

view Table Content

FEATURED ON HARPERS.ORG

Post
 
Andrew Cockburn on the Saudi slaughter in Yemen, Alan Jacobs on the disappearance of Christian intellectuals, a forum on a post-Obama foreign policy, a story by Alice McDermott, and more
Artwork by Ingo Günther
Article
Land of Sod·

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

Just a few short years ago, Yemen was judged to be among the poorest countries in the world, ranking 154th out of the 187 nations on the U.N.’s Human Development Index. One in every five Yemenis went hungry. Almost one in three was unemployed. Every year, 40,000 children died before their fifth birthday, and experts predicted the country would soon run out of water.

Photograph by Mike Slack
Article
The Watchmen·

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

Just a few short years ago, Yemen was judged to be among the poorest countries in the world, ranking 154th out of the 187 nations on the U.N.’s Human Development Index. One in every five Yemenis went hungry. Almost one in three was unemployed. Every year, 40,000 children died before their fifth birthday, and experts predicted the country would soon run out of water.

Illustration by John Ritter
Article
Acceptable Losses·

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

Just a few short years ago, Yemen was judged to be among the poorest countries in the world, ranking 154th out of the 187 nations on the U.N.’s Human Development Index. One in every five Yemenis went hungry. Almost one in three was unemployed. Every year, 40,000 children died before their fifth birthday, and experts predicted the country would soon run out of water.

Photograph by Alex Potter
Article
The Origins of Speech·

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

"To Chomsky...every child’s language organ could use the 'deep structure,' 'universal grammar,' and 'language acquisition device' he was born with to express what he had to say, no matter whether it came out of his mouth in English or Urdu or Nagamese."
Illustration (detail) by Darrel Rees. Source photograph © Miroslav Dakov/Alamy Live News

Chances that college students select as “most desirable‚” the same face chosen by the chickens:

49 in 50

Most of the United States’ 36,000 yearly bunk-bed injuries involve male victims.

In Italy, a legislator called for parents who feed their children vegan diets to be sentenced to up to six years in prison, and in Sweden, a woman attempted to vindicate her theft of six pairs of underwear by claiming she had severe diarrhea.

Subscribe to the Weekly Review newsletter. Don’t worry, we won’t sell your email address!

HARPER’S FINEST

Mississippi Drift

By

Matt was happy enough to sustain himself on the detritus of a world he saw as careening toward self-destruction, and equally happy to scam a government he despised. 'I’m glad everyone’s so wasteful,' he told me. 'It supports my lifestyle.'

Subscribe Today