Weekly Review — September 13, 2005, 12:00 am

Weekly Review

[Image: Lost Souls in Hell, 1875]
Lost Souls in Hell, 1875.

Emergency officials in Louisiana requested 25,000 body bags for victims of Hurricane Katrina, and a total evacuation of New Orleans was ordered. Much of the city was still underwater, though several people who lived on high ground objected to the evacuation. “I haven’t even run out of weed yet,” said one woman.The GuardianThe New York TimesHouston, Texas, the headquarters of contractors Halliburton and Baker Hughes, was preparing for a boom; one real-estate firm was offering special financing deals “for hurricane survivors only.”IHTWealthy residents of New Orleans were devising ways to rebuild the city with a minimum of poor people.Raw Story/WSJBarbara Bush visited the Astrodome and said that, given that the evacuees were “underprivileged anyway,” things were “working out very well” for them,Editor & Publisherand Representative Richard Baker gave the hurricane credit for finally cleaning up public housing in New Orleans. [Link] The government began to award no-bid contracts for the reconstruction,WebIndia123.comand President George W. Bush signed an executive order to allow federal contractors working in the wake of Katrina to pay their workers less than the prevailing wage.CNN MoneyWhen questioned by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi over his administration’s response to the storm, Bush asked, “What didn’t go right?”USA TodayHe also declared September 16 to be a national day of prayer.BBC NewsDick Cheney toured the South. “Go fuck yourself, Mr. Cheney,” yelled Ben Marble, a Mississippi physician who lost his home in the hurricane. “Go fuck yourself.” Marble was handcuffed and later released.OpEdNews.comRepublicans promised to probe themselves.Washington Post

It was revealed that evacuees from the hurricane had been flown to Charleston, West Virginia, where no one expected them, instead of Charleston, South Carolina, where accommodations and doctors were waiting.The ScotsmanDoctors in New Orleans admitted that they had euthanized critically ill patients rather than leaving them to suffer. “Those who had no chance of making it,” said an emergency official, “were given a lot of morphine and lain down in a dark place to die.”Daily MailBob Denver, best known for his role as the hapless, incompetent, shipwrecked Gilligan, died.SFGate.comMichael Brown, director of FEMA, was found to have lied on his resume and was removed from the Hurricane Katrina relief effort and sent back to Washington, D.C., to administer FEMA at a national level. “I’m going to go home,” he said, “and walk my dog and hug my wife, and maybe get a good Mexican meal and a stiff margarita and a full night’s sleep.” He later resigned.CTV.caTimeSFGate.comThe New York TimesFEMA officials asked journalists not to take pictures of dead bodies,Reutersand China announced that the death tolls from natural disasters would no longer be classified as state secrets.BBC NewsGermany surpassed the United States to become the world’s number-one exporter,The Daily Telegraphand California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he would veto a bill legalizing same-sex marriage.Democracy Now!A large bulge appeared in Oregon.LiveScience.com

Up to 3.7 million gallons of crude oil leaked into the lower Mississippi River.Democracy Now!A car bomb in Iraq killed 16 people,BBC Newsthe last Israeli troops left Gaza,The New York Timesand 32 police officers were injured during riots in Belfast, Northern Ireland.CNN.comRussia announced that it will build a small floating nuclear power station in the White Sea.MOSNews.comThe Pentagon held a “Freedom Walk.” Walkers were forced to register online ahead of time, to march along a fenced-in route, and to listen to Clint Black perform his song “Iraq and Roll.” The Washington PostOracle was buying Siebel, and eBay was buying Skype.Business Week OnlineThe New York TimesYahoo! admitted that it had helped China track down a journalist, Shi Tao, who had anonymously redistributed a message from the Chinese government suggesting journalists be careful about what they write. Shi is serving a 10-year sentence for revealing “state secrets.”The Washington PostIt was revealed that, several months before it issued a warning, the FDA had been aware that the Guidant Ventak Prizm 2 DR heart defibrillator had a tendency to short-circuit.The New York TimesPassport applicants in Britain were being told not to smile for their pictures, because smiles confuse security equipment.The Jamaica ObserverEncephalitis had killed at least 600 people in India,BBC Newsand a typhoon killed at least 21 people in southern Japan.AFPSaparmurat Niyazov, President for Life of Turkmenistan, declared that a zoo for penguins would be built where the Kara Kum desert begins.Mail and Guardian OnlineA Brussels woman urinating in a graveyard was crushed to death by a falling gravestone,Reutersa woman in India was freed from the outhouse where she had been confined for more than 25 years,BBC Newsand a British man died when he fell into a giant blender.BBC News

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Editor's Note

Many comedians consider stand-up the purest form of comedy; Doug Stanhope considers it the freest. “Once you do stand-up, it spoils you for everything else,” he says. “You’re the director, performer, and producer.” Unlike most of his peers, however, Stanhope has designed his career around exploring that freedom, which means choosing a life on the road. Perhaps this is why, although he is extremely ambitious, prolific, and one of the best stand-ups performing, so many Americans haven’t heard of him. Many comedians approach the road as a means to an end: a way to develop their skills, start booking bigger venues, and, if they’re lucky, get themselves airlifted to Hollywood. But life isn’t happening on a sit-com set or a sketch show — at least not the life that has interested Stanhope. He isn’t waiting to be invited to the party; indeed, he’s been hosting his own party for years.

Because of the present comedy boom, civilians are starting to hear about Doug Stanhope from other comedians like Ricky Gervais, Sarah Silverman, and Louis CK. But Stanhope has been building a devoted fan base for the past two decades, largely by word of mouth. On tour, he prefers the unencumbered arrival and the quick exit: cheap motels where you can pull the van up to the door of the room and park. He’s especially pleased if there’s an on-site bar, which increases the odds of hearing a good story from the sort of person who tends to drink away the afternoon in the depressed cities where he performs. Stanhope’s America isn’t the one still yammering on about its potential or struggling with losing hope. For the most part, hope is gone. On Word of Mouth, his 2002 album, he says, “America may be the best country, but that’s like being the prettiest Denny’s waitress. Just because you’re the best doesn’t make you good.”

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“He explained how sober Doug structured the bits and worked out the material’s logic; drunk Doug found the funny.”
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Ratio of husbands who say they fell in love with their spouse at first sight to wives who say this:

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Mathematicians announced the discovery of the perfect method of cutting a cake.

Indian prime-ministerial contender Narendra Modi, who advertises his bachelorhood as a mark of his incorruptibility, confessed to having a wife.

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