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Not since Elisabeth Bumiller wrote her famous ode to the threadcount of Dubya’s pillows in the hallowed pages of the New York Times have I seen something quite capable of competing with this. For a few weeks now, I have been pointing out the similarity of the Alabama Newhouse papers (especially the B’ham News and Mobile Press Register) to the Soviet press of the pre-Gorbachev age. They are the golden voice of the Alabama GOP, presenting the world in politically flavored terms, start to finish. But yesterday, the coverage took a turn into territory that tops anything I ever remember in the Soviet press. Now the ’Bama mainstream papers are moving into decidedly North Korean territory. And under the heading of absurd political suck-up to GOP power brokers, what could top this piece which ran yesterday in both the Birmingham News and the Mobile Press-Register adulating Governor Bob Riley as a lovable man of the people:
Gov. Bob Riley doesn’t leave home without his cowboy boots. The owner of about a dozen pairs — all size 12 — Riley wears cowboy boots every day and almost everywhere. He’s worn boots to areas damaged by tornadoes, to his daughters’ weddings, to news conferences, fund-raisers, speeches and international economic recruiting trips. In April, he hosted a delegation from the Hubei Provincial People’s Congress of China wearing a black alligator pair.
Cowboy boots are the staple of Riley’s wardrobe. “I had all my tuxedoes and my suits tailored for a pair of boots,” Riley said. “Actually, that’s when I wear the alligator most of the time. They are as formal as any dress shoe you will ever buy.”
The cowboy boot — the most iconic of American footwear — had its origins in the poorly made Civil War cavalry boots, according to Jennifer June, author of “Cowboy Boots: The Art & Sole.” Some shoe historians attribute the origins of western bootmaking to the constant repair work required by this repurposed military footwear, June wrote. Bootmakers designed the cowboy boot to meet the needs of someone working in stirrups, she wrote.
Here’s an exercise. Read the entire piece substituting the words “Beloved Leader” for Riley. Now, doesn’t that work better? Recommended art: a socialist realism scene, Riley surrounded by adoring children, bringing him flowers. And they’ve thoughtfully provided Riley’s boot size, so admirers out there can give Riley a favorite pair (be sure it’s alligator, too). Don’t worry about these gifts being seen as political bribes, when extended with request for favors. Riley is a Republican.
There isn’t any news in the B’ham News, but, oh my, there sure is a lot of boot-licking.
More from Scott Horton:
Conversation — August 5, 2016, 12:08 pm
Sidney Blumenthal on the origins of the Republican Party, the fallout from Clinton’s emails, and his new biography of Abraham Lincoln
Conversation — March 30, 2016, 3:44 pm
Joseph Hickman discusses his new book, The Burn Pits, which tells the story of thousands of U.S. soldiers who, after returning from Iraq and Afghanistan, have developed rare cancers and respiratory diseases.
Chances that an American knows the position of his or her senators on health-care reform:
Climate experts proposed creating a fleet of cloud-seeding yachts that will pump water vapor into the atmosphere to thicken global cloud cover, thereby reflecting more sunlight, in order to counteract the effects of global warming.
In San Antonio, a 150-pound pet tortoise knocked over a lamp, igniting a mattress fire that spread to a neighbor’s home.
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"It is an interesting and somewhat macabre parlor game to play at a large gathering of one’s acquaintances: to speculate who in a showdown would go Nazi. By now, I think I know. I have gone through the experience many times—in Germany, in Austria, and in France. I have come to know the types: the born Nazis, the Nazis whom democracy itself has created, the certain-to-be fellow-travelers. And I also know those who never, under any conceivable circumstances, would become Nazis."