SIGN IN to access Harper’s Magazine
1. Sign in to Customer Care using your account number or postal address.
2. Select Email/Password Information.
3. Enter your new information and click on Save My Changes.
Subscribers can find additional help here. Not a subscriber? Subscribe today!
Turns out everything–and I mean everything–you’ve heard about Hillary is true. I received a stream of emails in reply to my item yesterday about rumors of an affair between Hillary Clinton and her aide, Huma Abedin.
Often email writers make wild allegations but in this case I was provided solid evidence to back up the charges. For example, Robert Morrow, who describes himself as “one of the nation’s top experts on wild Hillary and wild Bill,” told me he’d learned from experience that “every crazy rumor about the Clintons is true.” For example, Hillary’s past lovers include Webb Hubbell (“probably the real dad of Chelsea”) and Vince Foster (“Hillary’s lover and emotional husband”). Furthermore, “Hillary and Bill are sociopaths, not unlike serial killers such as Ted Bundy.” Thus, to put it all together, Hillary is shacking up with Huma. Q.E.D.
But there’s more. I was also alerted to a photograph that showed Huma in the background while Clinton spoke with Ellen DeGeneres during a recent trip to New York–lesbianism by association. Others unearthed evidence that Huma–whose job description according to a profile by the New York Observer is “omnipresent traveling assistant” — is constantly seen with Hillary on the campaign trail. Case closed. Hillary and Huma are an item.
But wait–then I received proof that Hillary is strictly hetero. The most compelling evidence: a previously undisclosed photograph of Hillary with her past lovers, Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden. I’ve been assured that the photo (too obscene to post here) is genuine.
Could Hillary and Huma be partners? Sure, anything’s possible. But “everyone knows” that John Edwards has a girlfriend in New York and that Cindy McCain is cheating on her husband, to cite two other confirmed stories I’ve heard recently. Let’s pretend for just a moment that all of these stories are true. The reporter who sets out to prove any of them has a tough job because there just aren’t a lot of presidential candidates who make Gary Hart-sized mistakes anymore. In the case of Hillary and Huma, is it really possible that their tryst is something “everyone knows?” Have they been making out at bars around Washington? Have they shared their feelings widely with campaign staffers and friends? Is there a photo album with pictures of them holding hands as they stroll through Central Park and ride together on the Cyclone at Coney Island?
Meanwhile, as the rumors swirl, the interesting story about all of this remains unsolved: which Democratic presidential campaigns have been whispering about the alleged Hillary-Huma affair?
More from Ken Silverstein:
Perspective — October 23, 2013, 8:00 am
How pro-oil Louisiana politicians have shaped American environmental policy
Postcard — October 16, 2013, 8:00 am
A trip to one of the properties at issue in Louisiana’s oil-pollution lawsuits
For the past three years my dosimeter had sat silently on a narrow shelf just inside the door of a house in Tokyo, upticking its final digit every twenty-four hours by one or two, the increase never failing — for radiation is the ruthless companion of time. Wherever we are, radiation finds and damages us, at best imperceptibly. During those three years, my American neighbors had lost sight of the accident at Fukushima. In March 2011, a tsunami had killed hundreds, or thousands; yes, they remembered that. Several also recollected the earthquake that caused it, but as for the hydrogen explosion and containment breach at Nuclear Plant No. 1, that must have been fixed by now — for its effluents no longer shone forth from our national news. Meanwhile, my dosimeter increased its figure, one or two digits per day, more or less as it would have in San Francisco — well, a trifle more, actually. And in Tokyo, as in San Francisco, people went about their business, except on Friday nights, when the stretch between the Kasumigaseki and Kokkai-Gijido-mae subway stations — half a dozen blocks of sidewalk, which commenced at an antinuclear tent that had already been on this spot for more than 900 days and ended at the prime minister’s lair — became a dim and feeble carnival of pamphleteers and Fukushima refugees peddling handicrafts.
One Friday evening, the refugees’ half of the sidewalk was demarcated by police barriers, and a line of officers slouched at ease in the street, some with yellow bullhorns hanging from their necks. At the very end of the street, where the National Diet glowed white and strange behind other buildings, a policeman set up a microphone, then deployed a small video camera in the direction of the muscular young people in drums against fascists jackets who now, at six-thirty sharp, began chanting: “We don’t need nuclear energy! Stop nuclear power plants! Stop them, stop them, stop them! No restart! No restart!” The police assumed a stiffer stance; the drumming and chanting were almost uncomfortably loud. Commuters hurried past along the open space between the police and the protesters, staring straight ahead, covering their ears. Finally, a fellow in a shabby sweater appeared, and murmured along with the chants as he rounded the corner. He was the only one who seemed to sympathize; few others reacted at all.
Number of U.S. congressional districts in which trade with China has produced more jobs than it has cost:
Young bilingual children who learned one language first are likelier than monolingual children and bilingual children who learned languages simultaneously to say that a dog adopted by owls will hoot.
An Oklahoma legislative committee voted to defund Advanced Placement U.S. History courses, accusing the curriculum of portraying the United States as “a nation of oppressors and exploiters.”
Subscribe to the Weekly Review newsletter. Don’t worry, we won’t sell your email address!
“He could be one of a million beach-bound, black-socked Florida retirees, not the man who, by some odd happenstance of life, possesses the brain of Albert Einstein — literally cut it out of the dead scientist's head.”