Larry Johnson, the man who has been pushing the story of a mysterious tape that supposedly features Michelle Obama ranting about “whitey” with Louis Farrakhan, formerly worked for the CIA and the State Department’s Office of Counterterrorism–which truly makes me fear for my country. Johnson has yet to deliver the videotape that he promised would prove his allegation, but he did come up with a truly impressive–nay, shocking–smoking gun: a 2004 picture of Michelle Obama with Farrakhan’s wife at a luncheon. Will the media pick up on the sensational scandal of a group of black women, in Chicago, happily dining together? Clearly Obama’s campaign is finished. My God, what if they were eating pork?

But it gets worse. I’ve managed to score an exclusive peek at Larry Johnson’s next big scoop showing us the real Michelle–and unlike Johnson I’m not going to tease you with rumors. Here it is:

That’s right–Stalin.

As I wrote earlier, it’s not absolutely impossible that the Michelle Obama videotape actually exists, but with Johnson behind the story there are abundant grounds for skepticism. National Review has mentioned Johnson’s big scoop, and pointed out that “a similar photo of Teresa Heinz Kerry or Tipper Gore is pretty hard to imagine.” Indeed it is, though between Michelle Obama at a Rainbow/PUSH Coalition Conference and Tipper Gore as the founder of the Parents Music Resource Center, I’ll take Michelle any day.