Washington Babylon — July 12, 2008, 7:24 am

Zzzzzzzz: Get Ready for CNN’s Exciting Convention Coverage

From Lisa de Moraes of The Washington Post:

Blitzer stays up nights wondering whether Clinton will be introduced by her daughter, Chelsea, and when, if at all, her husband, former president Bill Clinton, will speak. Would it be on the same night as Hillary? A different night?

Borger can’t wait to see how the GOP confab says goodbye to George W. Bush:

“When do they put him on the stage?” she pondered. “Does he even go to the stage? Does he speak from a remote? Do they decide not to bring him there? Are they going to bring him there? When do they bring him there? What does he say? What kind of response does he get? How do they showcase a president with a 28 percent popularity rating who in many ways is John McCain’s problem?”

“And, Gloria, don’t forget the other issue they have to work out is how do they say goodbye to Dick Cheney!” Blitzer added.

“What do you do with George W. Bush? What do you do with Dick Cheney? There’s going to be a lot of intrigue and drama as far as how they choreograph that.”

Just when the CNN newsies were getting to the clapping-their-little-hands-in-excitement stage, one grumpykins critic started chastising them for their enthusiasm. “Isn’t your job to take what they say, to analyze it, to hold it against their former quotes, to show how the policies may change, and screw the drama?” Mr. Crankypants asked. “Isn’t your job to help people make . . . their own decision on their votes, instead of just trying to make these conventions interesting?”

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More from Ken Silverstein:

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Editor's Note

Many comedians consider stand-up the purest form of comedy; Doug Stanhope considers it the freest. “Once you do stand-up, it spoils you for everything else,” he says. “You’re the director, performer, and producer.” Unlike most of his peers, however, Stanhope has designed his career around exploring that freedom, which means choosing a life on the road. Perhaps this is why, although he is extremely ambitious, prolific, and one of the best stand-ups performing, so many Americans haven’t heard of him. Many comedians approach the road as a means to an end: a way to develop their skills, start booking bigger venues, and, if they’re lucky, get themselves airlifted to Hollywood. But life isn’t happening on a sit-com set or a sketch show — at least not the life that has interested Stanhope. He isn’t waiting to be invited to the party; indeed, he’s been hosting his own party for years.

Because of the present comedy boom, civilians are starting to hear about Doug Stanhope from other comedians like Ricky Gervais, Sarah Silverman, and Louis CK. But Stanhope has been building a devoted fan base for the past two decades, largely by word of mouth. On tour, he prefers the unencumbered arrival and the quick exit: cheap motels where you can pull the van up to the door of the room and park. He’s especially pleased if there’s an on-site bar, which increases the odds of hearing a good story from the sort of person who tends to drink away the afternoon in the depressed cities where he performs. Stanhope’s America isn’t the one still yammering on about its potential or struggling with losing hope. For the most part, hope is gone. On Word of Mouth, his 2002 album, he says, “America may be the best country, but that’s like being the prettiest Denny’s waitress. Just because you’re the best doesn’t make you good.”

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“He explained how sober Doug structured the bits and worked out the material’s logic; drunk Doug found the funny.”
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