Weekly Review — March 31, 2009, 12:00 am

Weekly Review

[Image: Babylonian lion, 1875]

President Barack Obama announced new military policies for Pakistan and Afghanistan, reserving, as had George W. Bush, the right to attack the tribal areas of Pakistan, but adding that the United States would create “opportunity zones” for investment in the areas of Pakistan most likely to be shelled. Obama also ordered that 4,000 U.S. military trainers be used to develop a 134,000-man national army in Afghanistan to combat the “uncompromising core of the Taliban.”New York TimesThe Defense Department announced that the phrase “Global War on Terror” had been changed to “Overseas Contingency Operation,”Washington Postand Obama held his second prime-time press conference as president. Reporters covering the event for the major national newspapers noted that, as at the first conference, he declined to take questions from reporters for the major national newspapers. Washington Post and NY TimesIsraeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu called his far-right coalition government a “partnership of peace,”New York Timesand European Union President Mirek Topolanek said the American international stimulus plan was “a way to hell.”New York TimesThe bishop of South Bend, Indiana, announced he would boycott Notre Dame University’s graduation ceremony to protest President Obama’s “unwillingness to hold human life as sacred,”CNNand the postmaster general of the United States predicted financial losses of “historic proportions” for the mail service.USA TodayMassachusetts Representative Barney Frank called Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia a homophobe,CNNand Secretary of State Hillary Clinton blamed an “insatiable demand for illegal drugs” in the United States for the surge in narcotics-trafficking-related violence in Mexico.New York TimesFBI Director Robert Mueller testified before Congress that the Patriot Act helped to eliminate “an awful lot of paperwork.” Washington PostA “competent organ” in North Korea was investigating whether or not two detained female American journalists were spies,Washington Postthe Senate Judiciary Committee deliberated on the process used to select a collegiate national football champion,AP via drudgeand President Obama apparently took no steps to prevent his aunt from being deported to Kenya.Boston Herald via Drudge

The White House issued a “do-or-die ultimatum” to the U.S. auto industry, offering American carmakers “a limited period of time to work with creditors, unions and other stakeholders to fundamentally restructure…[and to] produce plans that would give the American people confidence in their long-term prospects for success.” New York TimesFourteen thousand retirement-age General Motors workers rejected buyout packages worth as much as $45,000 from the corporation. More than 7,000 employees accepted the offers. “At this point, the people who are accepting buyouts have turned them down before,” said Gary Chiason, an industrial-relations professor at Clark University. “So something has shaken them loose. These are really the saddest decisions of all because they know they could have taken a buyout before on better terms.”New York TimesSeven U.S. states were found to have unemployment rates above ten percent.New York TimesState prison systems were releasing convicted criminals to offset budget shortfalls,New York Times and Hoovervilles were rising in Fresno.New York TimesFinancially strapped American families were going camping,CNN while American men, troubled by the economic crisis, were undergoing vasectomies.CNN A sperm bank in California was running a sale on “select” sperm of which they have a “huge inventory,”Breitbart.com via Drudgeand George Soros said that he was “having a very good crisis.” daily mail via drudge Researchers at Johns Hopkins University concluded that male circumcisions help prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases,BBC Newsand the U.S. Centers for Disease Control released a report on the safety hazards posed to American households by recumbent pets. Epidemiologist Judy Stevens, one of the authors of the report, stated that “while pets have many benefits, health-wise and emotionally, they can also be a fall hazard.”New York Times

British scientists delivered electric shocks to hermit crabs to see if they were able to feel and remember pain, and determined that they could.CNN Federal officials blamed American spelunkers for the spread of “white nose syndrome,” a disease that has killed as many as 500,000 bats,New York Timesand German researchers found that head lice are easier to locate in wet hair than dry.New York TimesBrazilian President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva claimed that he did not know of any “black or indigenous bankers,”Financial Times via Drudgeand reality-show star Kim Kardashian confirmed the presence of cellulite deposits in her thighs. “I have cellulite,” she admitted. “What curvy girl doesn’t?”People via CNNIllinois governor Pat Quinn said that Rod Blagojevich was “yesterday’s tomatoes.”Washington PostEarthquake swarms rumbled beneath the Salton Sea,Los Angeles Timesand Malawian welfare officials confirmed that Madonna would be allowed to remove another child from their country.Los Angeles TimesOn the Indonesian island of Loh Sriaya, Komodo dragons attacked and killed Muhamad Anwar, a 32-year-old fisherman who had come to steal their sugar apples.CNN

Share
Single Page

More from Theodore Ross:

Weekly Review June 22, 2010, 12:00 am

Weekly Review

Weekly Review May 4, 2010, 12:00 am

Weekly Review

Weekly Review February 9, 2010, 12:00 am

Weekly Review

Get access to 164 years of
Harper’s for only $39.99

United States Canada

CATEGORIES

THE CURRENT ISSUE

November 2014

Stop Hillary!

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

How the Islamic State was Won

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

Cage Wars

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

Everyday Grace

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

view Table Content

FEATURED ON HARPERS.ORG

Article
Stop Hillary!·

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

"What Hillary will deliver, then, is more of the same. And that shouldn’t surprise us."
Photograph by Joe Raedle
Article
Cage Wars·

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

"In the 1970s, “Chickens’ Lib” was a handful of women in flower-print dresses holding signs, but in the past decade farm hens have become almost a national preoccupation."
Photograph by Adam Dickerson/Big Dutchman USA, courtesy Vande Bunte Farms
Article
Paradise Lost·

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

"Suffering Sappho! Here we still are, marching right into yet another century with our glass ceilings, unequal pay, unresolved work and child-care balance, and still marrying, forever marrying, men."
Illustration by Anthony Lister
Article
Off the Land·

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

"Nearly half the reservation lives below the poverty line, with unemployment as high as 60 percent, little to no infrastructure, few entitlements, a safety net that never was, no industry to speak of, and a housing crisis that has been dire not for five years but since the reservation’s founding in 1855."
Illustration by Stan Fellows
Post
Introducing the November 2014 Issue·

= Subscribers only.
Sign in here.
Subscribe here.

Doug Henwood on stopping Hillary Clinton, fighters and potential recruits discuss the rise of the Islamic State, the inevitability of factory farming, and more

Cover photo by Reuters/Jonathan Ernst

Number of countries thought to possess chemical weapons:

14–16

Placebos are more effective if the drugs for which they stand in are said to be more expensive.

In Torrance, California, an African grey parrot named Nigel, who once spoke English with a British accent and had returned home after a four-year absence, began asking for someone named “Larry” and speaking Spanish.

Subscribe to the Weekly Review newsletter. Don’t worry, we won’t sell your email address!

HARPER’S FINEST

In Praise of Idleness

By

“I hope that after reading the following pages the leaders of the Y. M. C. A. will start a campaign to induce good young men to do nothing. If so, I shall not have lived in vain.”

Subscribe Today