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President Barack Obama, after a meal of Chesapeake striped bass and mango sorbet, visited West Point and announced his plan to send 30,000 additional U.S. troops to Afghanistan in order to “deny Al Qaeda a safe haven,” “reverse the Taliban’s momentum,” and “strengthen the capacity of Afghanistan’s security forces and government”; and then, after eighteen months (more than a year before the 2012 election), to start withdrawing troops. Republicans in Congress worried that the announcement of a withdrawal date would allow the Taliban and Al Qaeda to plan for the American military’s departure, while Democrats questioned whether a significant drawdown in U.S. forces would actually occur. “Can any of you tell me, after July 2011, that we won’t have tens of thousands of troops years beyond that date?” asked Senator Robert Menendez, a Democrat from New Jersey. “We will have 100,000 forces, troops there,” Defense Secretary Robert Gates explained later in the week. “And they are not leaving in July of 2011. Some handful, or some small number, or whatever the conditions permit, will begin to withdraw at that time.” Representative Jeff Flake, a Republican from Arizona, suggested that the combined escalation and exit strategy was engineered to please critics. “There’s an old adage that a camel is a horse designed by committee,” Flake said. “This looks to be a policy designed by committee, a little something for everyone.” Hillary Clinton pointed out that camels are sturdy, ancient, and, though plodding, will get you where you need to go.The AtlanticNYTNYTNYTPolitico
The New York State Senate voted 38-24 to reject a bill that would have legalized same-sex marriage. “Certainly this is an emotional issue and an important issue for many New Yorkers,” Republican Tom Libous said. “I just don’t think the majority care too much about it.”NYTUganda prepared to pass a bill that would make life imprisonment the minimum sentence for gay sex. Under the proposed law, which gained support after prominent U.S. Christian evangelists held an anti-gay seminar in Kampala, repeat offenders can be sentenced to death and civilians who witness homosexual acts and fail to report them can be jailed for three years. “We believe there are limits to human rights,” said James Nsaba Buturo, state minister for ethics and integrity. “We are talking about anal sex. Not even animals do that.”GuardianThe AtlanticConservative commentators criticized a videogame that contains gay human/elf sex,YouTubeand “Anderson Cooper 360″‘s ratings had dropped more than 60 percent from a year ago.Business InsiderThe Israel Defense Forces created a unit to promote Israeli military objectives through Twitter,Haaretzand New York gangs were planning attacks on one another via tweets. “I knoe bitches from oyg [the Original Young Gangsters] that would dead mob ya shit in Harlem,” read one tweeted threat.NY Daily NewsGlobal Language Monitor pronounced “Twitter” the top word of 2009,Guardianand psychologists determined that social networking profiles capture people’s true personalities. “Social networking profiles convey rather accurate images of the profile owners,” a researcher said, “either because people aren’t trying to look good or because they are trying and failing to pull it off.”Science Daily.com
President Obama invited labor leaders, corporate executives, and high-profile economists to the White House for a jobs summit to address the high unemployment rate. He warned that the government wouldn’t pursue another large stimulus plan. “Frankly,” he explained, “we just don’t have the money.” Instead, he touted a $23 billion “cash for caulkers” program that would provide cash rebates for weatherization projects that reduce energy consumption.NYTUSA TodayNYTNYTUnemployment dropped from 10.2 to 10 percent, with only 11,000 Americans losing their jobs last month. “This is good news just in time for the season of hope,” said Obama.NYTAustrian anti-Santa Claus activists revived their nine-year campaign to replace Santa with a blond-haired, blue-eyed Christ-child;Fox NewsTelegraphJesus Christ was dismissed from jury duty in Alabama for being disruptive;APand Maryland police tasered, shot, and killed Jesus, a rottweiler/pit-bull mix who attacked his owner.MSNBCA Georgia man dressed as an elf was arrested for threatening a mall Santa with dynamite,APand an Ohio man was arrested for snatching a kettle full of cash from a Salvation Army volunteer. “I can’t stand you and your bell-ringing,” he told her. “I hate Christmas.”Toledo Blade
More from Rafe Bartholomew:
Number of British women killed last fall by lightning conducted through their underwire bras:
British women wear heels for fifty-one years on average, from the ages of twelve to sixty-three.
Thousands of employees of McDonald’s protested outside the company’s headquarters near Chicago, demanding their wages be increased to $15 per hour. “I can’t afford any shoes,” said one employee in attendance, “and I want Versace heels.”
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“Shelby is waiting for something. He himself does not know what it is. When it comes he will either go back into the world from which he came, or sink out of sight in the morass of alcoholism or despair that has engulfed other vagrants.”