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Admiral Mike Mullen, chairman of the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff, came out in support of allowing gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military. “No matter how I look at this issue,” Mullen testified before Congress, “I cannot escape being troubled by the fact that we have in place a policy which forces young men and women to lie about who they are in order to defend their fellow citizens.” U.S. Department of DefenseThe Reuters news service withdrew a report that President Barack Obama was “backdooring” the American middle class with hidden taxes,Christian Science MonitorWhite House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel apologized to Sarah Palin for using the term “fucking retarded,” USA TodayU.S. Education Secretary Arne Duncan conceded that Hurricane Katrina was probably not “the best thing that happened to the education system in New Orleans,”Washington Postand James Clyburn, the House majority whip, dismissed fiscal restraint as a viable national economic policy. “We’re not going to save our way out of this recession,” he said. “We’ve got to spend.”The Hill via DrudgeUnderwear Bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab provided federal authorities with actionable intelligence without having been tortured and despite having been offered some of the basic protections of the American legal system.CNN and KYW Radio U.S. Director of National Intelligence Dennis Blair warned that “malicious cyber activity” was menacing the nation,NY Timesand the federal government was hoarding the genetic information of American newborns.CNNIn Afghanistan’s Helmand Province, the Taliban were ambushing the American military using “ancient signaling techniques”; three people were killed and 17 wounded in a suicide-bomb attack in Kandahar, and a drone strike killed 29 presumed terrorists in northwestern Pakistan, where the Taliban were stalking American soldiers and their hired mercenaries. “We know the movement of U.S. Marines and Blackwater guys,” said a spokesman for the group. “We have prepared suicide bombers to go after them.”NY TimesBBC NewsCNNCNNGeneral Stanley McChrystal, commander of U.S. military forces in Afghanistan, insisted that the surge was making “significant progress.”NY TimesAmericans were drinking more cheap booze.USA Today
U.S. Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood stated that Toyota automobiles were unsafe, then said that they weren’t, then issued a position statement claiming that he would remain “vigilant.”Market WatchAmericans were growing distrustful of their banks, which they accused of being too concerned with the bottom line.NY TimesJustice Clarence Thomas appeared confused as to why newspapers would criticize the Supreme Court’s decision establishing the right of corporations to buy elections. “The people who were editorializing against it were the New York Times Company and The Washington Post Company,” Thomas said. “These are corporations.”NY TimesA court in Israel ruled that Yigal Amir, who in 1995 assassinated Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, would remain in indefinite solitary confinement. Amir called the decision “vengeance” and added that “if the purpose here is to punish, [the court] should say so.”BBC NewsAnti-Muslim Europeans were rejecting “political Islam and the symbols of political Islam,” CNNthree headless bodies were discovered in a “narco-grave” in Juarez,CNNand the government of North Korea reported that Pyongangites continued to work with “full confidence” and were “full of hope,” due to the “benefits of socialism” and a bean-flour drink issued to schoolchildren.North Korea News AgencyStudents at Princeton University wanted their grades re-inflated.NY TimesEvangelical Christians were beating non-believers senseless in professional mixed-martial-arts contests, NY Timesand in Haiti, Max Beauvoir, the “supreme master” of voodoo, accused Christian fundamentalists of stealing earthquake-relief supplies. “The evangelicals are in control and they take everything for themselves,” said Beauvoir. “That’s a shame.”Telegraph via DrudgeMuslim doctors were fitting women with exploding breast implants for use in suicide attacks, World Net Daily via Drudgesales of “fashion-forward” bulletproof clothing remained brisk in BogotĂˇ, Colombia, Vice via CNN and a new biography of Warren Beatty confirmed that he is, in fact, vain.NY Times
Research demonstrated that abstinence-based sexual education may work under the following conditions: if it encourages children to delay sex until they are “ready” rather than exclusively until after marriage; if it does not depict all sex outside of marriage as uniformly inappropriate; and if it does not “disparage” condoms. Monica Rodriguez, a spokeswoman for the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, called the findings “exciting” and “a new tool.”Washington PostRoasted nuts were increasingly scarce in New York City,NY Timesand some residents of Lancaster, Texas, were offended by a billboard of a giant cucumber with eyes.CBS2.com via EaterEnglish school administrators were fining parents for spending vacation time with their children,BBC Newswealthy American mothers were struggling to find ways to communicate their parenting demands to their nannies,NY Timesand Jennifer Love Hewitt advised spurned women to glue glass objects to their vulvas. “After a breakup, a friend of mine Swarovski-crystalled my precious lady,” she said. “It shined like a disco ball.”Huffington Post
More from Theodore Ross:
Fleming awoke in the dark and his room felt loose, sloshing so badly he gripped the bed. From his window there was nothing but a hallway, and if he craned his neck, a blown lightbulb swung into view. The room pitched up and down and for a moment he thought he might be sick. The word â€śhallwayâ€ť must have a nautical name. Why didnâ€™t they supply a glossary for this cruise? Probably they had, in the welcome packet heâ€™d failed to read. A glossary. A history of the boat, which would be referred to as a ship. Sunny biographies of the captain and crew, who had always dreamed of this life. Lobotomized histories of the islands theyâ€™d visit. Who else had sailed this way. Famous suckwads from the past, slicing through this very water on wooden longships.
A welcome packet, the literary genre most likely to succeed in the new millennium. Why not read about a community you donâ€™t belong to, that doesnâ€™t actually exist, a captain and crew who are, in reality, if that isnâ€™t too much of a downer on your vacation, as indifferent to one another as any set of co-employees at an office or bank? Read doctored personal statements from underpaid crew members â€” because ocean life pays better than money! â€” who hate their lives but have been forced to buy into the mythology of working on a boat, separated now from loved ones and friends, growing lonelier by the second, even while they wait on you and follow your every order.
Number of people stopped and frisked by the NYPD in 2011 for â€śfurtive movementsâ€ť:
The faces of Lego people were growing angrier.
Four people were arrested for using a remote-controlled hexacopter to fly two pounds of tobacco to prisoners inside the yard at Calhoun State Prison in Georgia.
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Our congratulations to Alice Munro, winner of the 2013 Nobel Prize for Literature