Weekly Review — December 27, 2011, 12:00 am

Weekly Review

An angry-looking, monkey-like creature showing its teeth.
A kinkajou, 1886.

After weeks of infighting, Congress passed a two-month extension of the payroll-tax cut. House Republicans, who had rejected a nearly identical measure days earlier, were left divided over the stopgap measure, which pitted recently elected lawmakers seeking major reforms against party veterans. “When you start making decisions based on elections,” said Representative Mo Brooks (R., Ala.), “then you run the risk of having the mess we just did.” President Barack Obama also signed into law a $1 trillion spending bill, warning that he reserved the right to challenge certain provisions promoted by Republicans, such as a prohibition on using the money to repatriate prisoners from Guantánamo Bay. Reuters via Raw StoryWashington PostUSA TodayUSA TodayObama took a break from campaigning for the passage of the bills to purchase video games for his daughters for Christmas. “The girls beat me every time on these dance games,” said Obama. “I get graded F every time.” “The past four presidents that I served under,” said Senator John McCain (R., Ariz.), “exerted a lot more leadership than going shopping.”LA TimesRaw StorySarah Palin criticized the Obama family’s holiday card for failing to show American Christmas values of “family, faith, and freedom.”Fox News RadioAdultery website Ashley Madison endorsed Newt Gingrich for president, Ron Paul stormed off an interview set after being asked about racist newsletters issued in his name during the 1980s and 1990s, and Representative Jim Sensenbrenner (R., Wis.) apologized to Michelle Obama for referring to her “large posterior” and “big butt” while complaining about the First Lady’s healthy-eating initiatives.MSNBCThe AtlanticThe AtlanticPoliticoA Florida woman was arrested after calling 911 to report having eaten too much, and rapper Slim Dunkin was murdered in Atlanta after a fight over stolen candy.The PulpMTV

Flooding in the Philippines killed at least 1,200 people and left another 60,000 homeless. “This is the worst Christmas gift one can receive,” said a Filipino man with eight children who lost his house in the flood. “There is no Christmas,” said the mayor of Cagayan de Oro.USA TodayBBCAFPA bombing by the Islamist militant group Boko Haram killed at least 25 worshippers at a Christmas mass outside Abuja; 68 people were killed in clashes between Boko Haram and Nigerian government forces; and Kenya killed 15 people in two air raids on Islamist-held regions of Somalia.APGuardianBBCA wave of 16 bombings killed 69 people in one day in Baghdad.APTwo suicide bombings killed 44 people in Damascus; Syrian state television claimed that Al Qaeda was responsible for the attacks, while opposition leaders claimed Bashar al-Assad’s regime was responsible.BBCCNNFormer cricket star Imran Khan drew more than 100,000 Pakistanis to a rally in Karachi for democratic reform, and more than 50,000 Russians marched in Moscow, calling for their country’s parliamentary elections to be rerun.APChristian Science MonitorInterpol issued an arrest warrant for Jean-Claude Mas, founder of a French company that sold breast implants filled with below-medical-grade silicone in 65 countries, for drunk-driving in Costa Rica. “He was a butcher, selling ham and sausage, before he started this line of work,” said a former associate of Mas’s. The French government offered to pay for 30,000 women to have the implants removed.AFPCBCReuters via Chicago TribuneAstronomers posited that two newly discovered Earth-sized planets are the “roasted remains” of bodies that were formerly much larger.BBCNatureOne in a hundred Britons was found to be descended from pirates.Telegraph

Following a “very jolly” winter-solstice ceremony, Rollo Maughfling, Archdruid of Stonehenge, augured that 2012 would be a good year, while authorities in Mexico began the year-long countdown to December 21, 2012, which some people believe is predicted by an ancient Mayan stone tablet to be the date of apocalypse. “Regardless whether the threat of December 21 2012 is real or not,” survivalist Yang Muffins wrote recently on survivalguide2012.org, “there is no harm in being prepared.”TelegraphAPSurvival Guide 2012Men with voices judged by women to be sexy were found to be less fertile, fame was found to increase the risk of death among rock stars, and rock stars were found not to be in greatest peril at 27, the age at which Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and numerous other musicians died.PLoSoneAFP via Daily News EgyptHeroin dating to 1928 was discovered in the British National Archives.BBCA South Carolina man died from eating an ounce of cocaine out of his brother’s bum after the two were arrested and thrown in the back of a police car.Click OrlandoResearchers in Nova Scotia found that binge drinking is contagious. “Pick your friends and lovers carefully,” said Dr. Simon Sherry, “because they influence you more than you think.”UPIResidents of Rikuzentakata decorated for Christmas the “miracle pine” that was the only one of a stand of 70,000 pine trees to survive the massive earthquake and tsunami in Japan earlier this year, and Georgians refused to fell pine trees for Christmas.Japan TimesBBCDutch and Ethiopian researchers discovered that Boswellia trees, from which frankincense is made, are in steep decline. “Frankincense,” said lead researcher Dr. Frans Bongers, “is doomed.”Christian Science Monitor

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Editor's Note

Many comedians consider stand-up the purest form of comedy; Doug Stanhope considers it the freest. “Once you do stand-up, it spoils you for everything else,” he says. “You’re the director, performer, and producer.” Unlike most of his peers, however, Stanhope has designed his career around exploring that freedom, which means choosing a life on the road. Perhaps this is why, although he is extremely ambitious, prolific, and one of the best stand-ups performing, so many Americans haven’t heard of him. Many comedians approach the road as a means to an end: a way to develop their skills, start booking bigger venues, and, if they’re lucky, get themselves airlifted to Hollywood. But life isn’t happening on a sit-com set or a sketch show — at least not the life that has interested Stanhope. He isn’t waiting to be invited to the party; indeed, he’s been hosting his own party for years.

Because of the present comedy boom, civilians are starting to hear about Doug Stanhope from other comedians like Ricky Gervais, Sarah Silverman, and Louis CK. But Stanhope has been building a devoted fan base for the past two decades, largely by word of mouth. On tour, he prefers the unencumbered arrival and the quick exit: cheap motels where you can pull the van up to the door of the room and park. He’s especially pleased if there’s an on-site bar, which increases the odds of hearing a good story from the sort of person who tends to drink away the afternoon in the depressed cities where he performs. Stanhope’s America isn’t the one still yammering on about its potential or struggling with losing hope. For the most part, hope is gone. On Word of Mouth, his 2002 album, he says, “America may be the best country, but that’s like being the prettiest Denny’s waitress. Just because you’re the best doesn’t make you good.”

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“I was warned that there would likely be a lot of emotions coming out in the room.”
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“Bolivia’s gene banks contain far more quinoa varieties than any other country’s, yet the Bolivians are dead set against sharing them.”
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“He explained how sober Doug structured the bits and worked out the material’s logic; drunk Doug found the funny.”
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Ratio of husbands who say they fell in love with their spouse at first sight to wives who say this:

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