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In Tel Aviv, a bomb exploded on a city bus and an Israeli man carrying a knife, an ax, a pitchfork, and a red bag attacked a guard at the U.S. Embassy. In Cairo, representatives of Israel and Hamas brokered a ceasefire agreement, ending eight days of conflict in Gaza that had resulted in the deaths of five Israelis and 162 Palestinians. “This is a point on the way to a great defeat,” said Khaled Meshal, the exiled chairman of Hamas. “Israel failed in all its objectives.” At a meeting with U.S. secretary of state Hillary Clinton, who served as Israel’s proxy negotiator in Cairo, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said he would continue to take “whatever action is necessary” to protect his people. “This,” he said, “is something I don’t have to explain to Americans.” Clinton praised Egyptian president Mohamed Morsi, Hamas’s representative in the discussions, for his “responsibility and leadership”; the next day, Morsi issued a decree that expanded his presidential powers, allowing him to fire Egypt’s prosecutor-general and exempt himself from judicial review. The Egyptian Judges’ Club threatened to strike, protesters in Alexandria set fire to the headquarters of the ruling Muslim Brotherhood’s Freedom and Justice Party, and thousands of demonstrators, some armed with stones and Molotov cocktails, gathered in Tahrir Square. “God willing we will remove Morsi,” said one man, “as we did Mubarak.” Peace, one of two turkeys pardoned by President Obama last Thanksgiving, fell ill and was euthanized; Liberty continued to thrive.
The Free Syrian Army captured a special-forces base near Aleppo, seizing five tanks, two armored vehicles, two rocket launchers, two artillery cannons, and a large stockpile of mortars and rifles. “There has never been a battle before,” said General Ahmad al-Faj, “with this much booty.” Rebel soldiers also took control of a military airport outside Damascus. “Watch, people,” said a fighter in a video showing medics attending to a government soldier. “Watch Assad’s dogs! How we’re treating them with tenderness.” At least 112 workers died in a factory fire in Bangladesh, and 14 workers were killed in a gas-leak explosion at a hot-pot restaurant in northern China. Roman students protested cuts in education spending, royalists in Bangkok marched against the prime minister, who they claimed had ignored insults to the Thai monarchy, and Madrid’s trash collectors went on strike, prompting local residents to dump their garbage on the doorsteps of banks. “Make sure you check,” tweeted a protester, “that it’s not where someone sleeps.” New York police were investigating the provenance of two corpses discovered in two parks in Queens by workers cleaning up after Hurricane Sandy, and South Pacific explorers bound for Sandy Island, which Google Maps identified as being midway between Australia and New Caledonia, found only ocean. “Time,” said Marlene Moses, chairwoman of the Alliance of Small Island States, “is clearly not on our side.” Mexico and the United States reached a new deal to share water from the Colorado River, and Mexican president Felipe Calderón suggested removing “Estados Unidos” from his country’s official name.
A man from Yonkers died clowning at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and spectators on Manhattan’s Upper West Side found shredded police-department documents amid the confetti. The parade’s organizers provided free transportation to residents of Rockaway Beach. “It’s nice for the city to treat us,” said one man, “when we have nothing.” Black Friday began on Thursday. “We’ll miss the actual being there with family,” said a Michigan woman who spent Thanksgiving camped outside a Best Buy, “but we’ll have the rest of the weekend for that.” A milk-truck driver in Wisconsin ran over two cows; a deer in Whitehouse, Texas, chased two men into the bed of a pickup truck, then ate a pack of cigarettes; and scientists reported that apes have midlife crises. An explosion in Springfield, Massachusetts, damaged 42 buildings, blowing out the windows of a tattoo parlor and flattening a Scores Gentlemen’s club, and a German woman was accused of trying to smother her boyfriend with her DD-cup breasts. “Treasure,” the man quoted his girlfriend as saying, “I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible.”
More from Ryann Liebenthal:
Weekly Review — May 19, 2015, 8:00 am
An Amtrak train derails, a Bangladeshi blogger is hacked to death, and an African-American boy who was maced at an anti–police-brutality protest is grateful he wasn’t shot
i. stand with israel
I listen to a lot of conservative talk radio. Confident masculine voices telling me the enemy is everywhere and victory is near — I often find it affirming: there’s a reason I don’t think that way. Last spring, many right-wing commentators made much of a Bloomberg poll that asked Americans, “Are you more sympathetic to Netanyahu or Obama?” Republicans picked the Israeli prime minister over their own president, 67 to 16 percent. There was a lot of affected shock that things had come to this. Rush Limbaugh said of Netanyahu that he wished “we had this kind of forceful moral, ethical clarity leading our own country”; Mark Levin described him as “the leader of the free world.” For a few days there I yelled quite a bit in my car.
The one conservative radio show I do find myself enjoying is hosted by Dennis Prager. At the Thanksgiving dinner of American radio personalities (Limbaugh is your jittery brother-in-law, Michael Savage is your racist uncle, Hugh Hewitt is Hugh Hewitt) Dennis Prager is the turkey-carving patriarch trying to keep the conversation moderately high-minded. While Prager obviously doesn’t like liberals — “The gaps between the left and right on almost every issue that matters are in fact unbridgeable,” he has said — he often invites them onto his show for debate, which is rare among right-wing hosts. Yet his gently exasperated take on the Obama–Netanyahu matchup was among the least charitable: “Those who do not confront evil resent those who do.”
Pairs of moose-dung earrings sold each year at Grizzly’s Gifts in Anchorage, Alaska:
An Alaskan brown bear was reported to have scratched its face with barnacled rocks, making it the first bear seen using tools since 1972, when a Svalbardian polar bear is alleged to have clubbed a seal in the head with a block of ice.
A former prison in Philadelphia that has served as a horror-movie set was being prepared as a detention center for protesters arrested at the upcoming Democratic National Convention, and presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump fired his campaign manager.
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“Matt was happy enough to sustain himself on the detritus of a world he saw as careening toward self-destruction, and equally happy to scam a government he despised. 'I’m glad everyone’s so wasteful,' he told me. 'It supports my lifestyle.'”