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Can you kill a terrorist who never lived? (you can if you’re America);
can you avoid paying your bills? (only if you’re a city we’re all supposed to love for its gumbo, jazz, and catastrophic weather);
can you answer your own door, accept your own packages, and–heaven help us–hail your own taxis? (look deep inside, New Yorker–you probably can’t)

Feel free to spew your ether-venom: “it’s a sickness folks. Its name is the Internet. You have it, too”; go right ahead and heckle the president, homosexual or otherwise; who isn’t doing it these days?
move on from your sexual transgressions, QB, you’re rich enough no one will care

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