Iran signed an accord with Britain, China, France, Germany, Russia, and the United States in which it agreed to reduce its stockpile of low-enriched uranium by 98 percent and to render inoperable a reactor capable of producing weapons-grade plutonium. In exchange, the United States agreed to lift economic sanctions against the country. “Iran,” said Israeli president Benjamin Netanyahu, “will get a cash bonanza.” A depressed 24-year-old man opened fire at two military sites in Chattanooga, Tennessee, killing a Navy sailor and four Marines. “People with depression,” said a law-enforcement analyst, “do not turn, necessarily, into psychopathic killers.” A Gainesville, Georgia, Navy recruiter accidentally shot himself in the leg with his personal weapon, and a disabled Vietnam veteran was shot in the buttocks while protecting sea turtle nests. Russia’s constitutional court decided that the country could “step back from its obligations” to the European Court of Human Rights, and Oslo University announced that it had admitted Anders Behring Breivik, who killed 77 people in Norway in 2011, into an undergraduate course in political science. North Korea reported that local elections saw a voter turnout of 99.97 percent, an increase from the 99.82 percent in 2011. Islamic State supporters confirmed that the group’s chief singer-songwriter had been killed in an airstrike, and British prime minister David Cameron called for a “big conversation” over a series of domestic attacks by seagulls against Cornish house pets. “Frankly,” he said, “we do have a problem.”
The U.S. Embassy in Cuba reopened for the first time in 54 years, and the United States men’s soccer team defeated Cuba by a score of 6–0 in the Gold Cup after four Cuban players defected. Nine Britons who were deported from China for watching video clips that advocated terrorism said they had been watching a BBC documentary about Genghis Khan. Four men in Morocco were given a four-month suspended jail sentence for drinking juice during daylight hours in Ramadan, after being reported to police by juice vendors. An injured mouse in Casablanca caused a stampede of worshipers at a mosque, injuring at least 80 people. An intoxicated squirrel was seen staggering around a member’s club in England. Police in Germany detained a squirrel for stalking a woman and exhibiting aggressive behavior, and two sharks chased a three-time surfing world champion during the final round of an international competition. An aerosol Ebola vaccine proved 100 percent effective in preventing the disease from infecting 10 rhesus macaques, all of which were later euthanized.
In Germany, the head of a horror-film director was stolen from his crypt. In California, an 18-year-old was arrested for taking $30 from two children selling lemonade, and a burglar accidentally streamed a video of himself on the iPhone he was stealing. Police in Kingsport, Tennessee, discovered over $30,000 of homemade bills in the apartment of a woman who believed that President Obama had signed a law allowing people on a fixed income to print their own money. A plane carrying skydiving students landed on a busy highway in New Jersey; the landing-gear panel of an Air France Boeing 777 fell off the plane and landed in a Chinese suburb; and a propeller detached from a single-engine plane and sliced through the roof of a home in upstate New York. A wildfire in California jumped across a freeway and incinerated 30 vehicles. Hawaii, which is currently experiencing a record-breaking heat wave, was struck by a snowstorm; and Boston celebrated the disappearance of its 75-foot winter snow pile. The mother of a two-year-old who died of heatstroke after being left in a hot car claimed that she thought the child was inside her house with her other six children. “I forgot,” she said, “to count.”