A waiter at a Brooklyn IHOP was accused of giving away $3,000 worth of free soda. “I am,” he said, “Robin Hood.” A fallen tree derailed a commuter train in California, a man in Oregon was killed when an alder tree fell on his car, and it was reported than an Ohio woman was arrested for driving with a 15-foot tree stuck in her hood. A six-year-old boy was shot at a birthday party in Georgia, and a gun advocate in Florida was shot in the back by her four-year-old son. "Even my 4 year old gets jacked up,” she had posted online shortly before the shooting, “to target shoot with the .22.” Read more...
The United States and South Korea began eight weeks of military exercises in which they simulated attacking North Korea with about 55 marine aircraft, 30 ships, and 300,000 Korean troops. North Korea lost track of one of its submarines in the Pacific Ocean and claimed that it could destroy Manhattan with a hydrogen bomb. “All the people there would be killed,” said a state-run media outlet, “immediately.” Eighteen people were killed when gunmen stormed a beach resort in the Ivory Coast, and at least 37 people were killed when an unidentified attacker detonated a car bomb near a bus stop in Ankara. Macedonia closed its borders with Greece to all migrants, and Croatia, Serbia, and Slovenia announced they were placing greater restrictions on border crossings. A Danish couple who gave rides to a Syrian family in southern Denmark were found guilty of human trafficking. A ten-year-old and a six-year-old were killed in an Israeli airstrike in the Gaza strip, and chemical-weapons attacks carried out by the Islamic State in northern Iraq killed a three-year-old girl. “She turned black,” said her father, “and pieces of her skin started to come off.” A nursery in England suggested a four-year-old boy be sent to a de-radicalization program after he described a picture he had drawn as a “cooker bomb,” which was later revealed to be a mispronunciation of “cucumber.” It was reported that a man in China sold his newborn daughter online for about $3,500 so he could buy an iPhone and a motorbike. “I really didn’t know that it was illegal,” said the child’s mother.
It was reported that President Obama grew half an inch in the past two years. A rally for Republican frontrunner Donald Trump in Chicago was canceled after fighting broke out between supporters and protesters. In Utah, the House of Representatives passed a resolution that declared pornography a public-health crisis. “We do need to see this,” said one lawmaker, “like avian flu, cholera, diphtheria, or polio.” Subway operators in Osaka, Japan, filed a lawsuit over their right to have beards. A waiter at a Brooklyn IHOP was accused of giving away $3,000 worth of free soda. “I am,” he said, “Robin Hood.” A fallen tree derailed a commuter train in California, a man in Oregon was killed when an alder tree fell on his car, and it was reported than an Ohio woman was arrested for driving with a 15-foot tree stuck in her hood. A six-year-old boy was shot at a birthday party in Georgia, and a gun advocate in Florida was shot in the back by her four-year-old son. “Even my 4 year old gets jacked up,” she had posted online shortly before the shooting, “to target shoot with the .22.”
The Russian Defense Ministry posted an online recruitment for dolphins with perfect teeth to be used in combat operations. Scientists in Russia announced that they would try to clone extinct cave lions from 12,000-year-old frozen cubs, and researchers in Chile created chicken embryos with dinosaur legs. It was reported that 6,500 noise complaints against the Reagan National Airport in 2015 were filed by a single person, and lawmakers in Georgia voted to legalize drinking alcohol while on a raft. “There is a significant difference between boating,” said State Representative Eddie Lumsden, “and floating.” A woman was arrested in an airport in Germany with 2.2 pounds of cocaine inside her breasts, and a British man was arrested in an airport in Canada when authorities mistook his friend’s cremated remains for drugs. A woman in Romania was reported to have torn off her husband’s testicles after he refused to do housework on International Women’s Day. An artist’s Instagram account was cancelled after she posted videos of her finger penetrating a blood orange, and police in Greenwich Village in New York City seized an estimated $1,000,000 worth of marijuana from crates labelled “autoparts” and “art.”
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