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In Oregon, the trial of Nancy Crampton Brophy, a woman charged with murdering her husband after self-publishing an essay titled “How to Murder Your Husband,” began.

The United States Senate confirmed to the Supreme Court Ketanji Brown Jackson, and a former Republican National Committee aide who once requested and enthusiastically responded to a video of a baby being raped was sentenced to over 12 years in prison for receipt of child pornography.1 2 3 “I was honored to have his endorsement in PA. Twice. But I’m disappointed by this,” tweeted Sean Parnell, who ended his Senate campaign after his wife publicly accused him of abuse, in response to Donald Trump’s endorsement of Mehmet Oz.4 5 “Oz is the antithesis of everything that made Trump the best president of my lifetime.” Pakistan’s parliament ousted Prime Minister Imran Khan, a former cricket star, in a vote of no confidence, and the right-wing incumbent Emmanuel Macron and far-right politician Marine Le Pen received the most votes in the first round of France’s elections.6 7 Viktor Orbán, who was recently reelected as Hungary’s prime minister, announced that he would break ranks with the European Union by purchasing Russian gas with rubles, and climate activists rallied outside the United States Postal Service’s headquarters in support of transitioning to a fleet of electric mail trucks.8 9 An assailant poured red paint on Dmitry Muratov, the Nobel Peace Prize–winning editor of the independent newspaper Novaya Gazeta, as he rode a train in Russia, and an investigation revealed that violence against journalists reached record levels in Mexico, with 25 murders since President Andrés Manuel López Obrador took office in 2018, an 85 percent increase from his predecessor’s tenure.10 11 It was reported that Israel is currently holding 10 Palestinian journalists in jail for “incitement.”12

Shortly after defending the New York Police Department’s increased arrests for low-level offenses, New York mayor Eric Adams, a former cop, attended a dinner party for the haute couture fashion brand Valentino, and then contracted COVID-19.13 14 15 The NYPD destroyed homeless encampments across the city, opened fire on a getaway car, and with a police van killed a man who was asking for money in Brooklyn.16 17 18 19 With updates to its death chamber now complete, South Carolina announced that it would give people sentenced to death the choice of whether to be killed by firing squad, the electric chair, or lethal injection, depending on availability.20 In Oregon, the trial of Nancy Crampton Brophy, a woman charged with murdering her husband after self-publishing an essay titled “How to Murder Your Husband,” began, and in Florida, a woman was dismissed from jury duty for the sentencing of the Parkland school shooter after asserting that she is too occupied with her husband and her sugar daddy.21 22 Ammon Bundy was sent to jail for contempt of court after arguing that his campaign for governor should count toward his required 40 hours of community service.23 A woman was fired from a strip club after it was revealed she had merely pretended to be related to a boy who died after falling from an amusement park ride.24 “You could smell it a block away,” said the owner of Barney Greengrass, the famed smoked-fish store, after an arsonist burned down its dining shed.25

Mark Zuckerberg claimed that employees of his company “lovingly” refer to him as the Eye of Sauron.26 “We really want this to become the most famous, iconic statue in the world,” said John Bartleman, the CEO of TradeStation, referring to a 3,000-pound robotic bull without testicles that was unveiled in Miami, which is meant to represent the cryptocurrency market.27 In accordance with tradition, the Canadian finance minister purchased a new pair of shoes before the nation’s budget was announced, and the family of a deceased rapper defended their decision to stand his corpse on the stage of a Washington, D.C., nightclub.28 29 “We’re worried about how professional this has become,” said Theo Dekker, the chairman of a Dutch dairy interest group, after thieves pulled off a cheese heist in the Netherlands and an employee of a mattress shop in Middlesbrough, England, expressed concern that proposed bike lanes would provide shoplifters with “a clear getaway.”30 31 A man in Germany received up to 90 COVID-19 booster shots, and scientists announced evidence that invertebrates feel many emotions, especially when shaken or injected with acid.32 33Sam Needleman

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