Weekly Review

Sam Bankman-Fried, who was reportedly part of a group chat called “Wirefraud” with senior FTX executives, was arrested in the Bahamas.^{1 2} The disgraced cryptocurrency entrepreneur, who gave employees a daily allowance of $200 for DoorDash deliveries and chartered private flights to deliver Amazon packages to his company’s headquarters, was denied bail and remanded to Fox Hill prison, which a State Department report described as lacking mattresses and toilet facilities and being infested with rats, maggots, and insects.^{3 4} Twitter dissolved its Trust and Safety Council and was threatened with E.U. sanctions after suspending several journalists who had criticized Elon Musk’s takeover of the company.^{5 6} Musk, who is no longer the world’s richest man after Tesla lost more than half its market value at the beginning of the year, was booed off the stage at a Dave Chappelle show. “You hear that sound, Elon? That’s the sound of pending civil unrest,” said the comedian.⁷ Facebook’s parent company was sued for amplifying civil unrest in Ethiopia.⁸ The January 6 committee referred former president Donald Trump to the Justice Department on multiple criminal charges.⁹ Digital trading cards depicting Trump holding a torch in front of the Statue of Liberty, among other poses, sold out a day after being released and are currently trading for as much as 240 times their face value.¹⁰

Argentina beat France to win the World Cup, marking the third win by the South American team and the first time in history that no British fans were arrested during the tournament.^{11 12} Belgian police seized $1.6 million in cash from E.U. officials accused of taking bribes from Qatar, including a vice president of the European Parliament who in November complained that some of her colleagues “accuse everyone who talks or engages [with the Qataris] with corruption.”^{13 14} The U.S. finalized plans to supply Ukraine with Patriot missile defense systems.¹⁵ An explosion at the Polish police headquarters was caused by the police chief accidentally firing a grenade launcher given to him by Ukrainian colleagues.¹⁶ Russia’s defense ministry announced the creation of a “front-line creative brigade” that will include circus performers.¹⁷ Japan announced that it would double its defense budget. Finland’s defense minister went on paternity leave.¹⁸ The mayor of Istanbul was sentenced to two years and seven months in prison for calling Turkish election officials “fools” after they demanded a repeat of mayoral elections which he proceeded to win by a larger margin than the original.¹⁹ 

Physicists announced that they were able to sustain a nuclear fusion reaction for one billionth of a second.²⁰ It was reported that Dutch farmers are using heat generated by mining Bitcoin to grow tulips.²¹ “An untold amount” of biological evidence was destroyed by fire in an NYPD warehouse.²² The MTA announced that it will pilot a system to detect urine-adjacent aromas.²³ Police broke into an art gallery in London in order to rescue an unconscious woman who turned out to be a mannequin.²⁴ A batch of spinach was recalled in Australia for inducing hallucinations.²⁵ The attorney of a Wisconsin boy accused of killing his mother for refusing to buy him a virtual reality headset asked a judge to lower the boy’s bail to $100, the amount in his piggy bank.²⁶ A Michigan teen was catfished by her mom.²⁷ —Matas Zinkevicius