Readings — From the December 2002 issue

Get on Your Bikes and Ride

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The following comments were posted on the website of Cannondale bicycles in response to the query, “Is your bike male or female, and why?”

My bike is definitely a guy. It has to be, since it’s a reflection of me, and I’m all man.

My bike is a girl—her name is Maybel. It just seems natural.

My bike is male because it is tough, durable, and can be ridden to destruction without complaining or saying a word.

You better believe it’s a girl. Only a female would take this much abuse and still perform.

Male of course! I would never treat a woman like I treat my bike—use swears and smell bad, etc.

My bike is a female because if I don’t give her a lot of attention she gets mad and doesn’t move right.

My bike is a mafa-dite.’Cause I always end up doing what it wants to do, like rip down hills at breakneck speed, sort of like my girlfriend makes me do what she wants. But then it is like a guy when it loses its mind and throws me off and beats the hell out of me reducing me to a bloody pile of dirt-coated flesh on the side of the trail, while it lays a little farther down the hill, usually with one wheel still rolling with laughter at me, Then I throw it in the back of my car and let: it sleep while we drive home. Then it is like a girl ’cause I don’t want it to get any scars, so I bandage up any hurts it might have suffered and take care of it after a nice shower together. But then it is like a guy ’cause I don’t feel good about sleeping with it, so I put it in the corner and ignore it. That is why my bike is a mafa-dite.

My bike is a machine. Like the T2000 in Terminator 2. No genitalia. No nonsense ass kicking is what it is.

I am female. I am a lesbian. Therefore I have a female bike.

My bike is alive, but it has no need to call itself different than any other bike out there.

You bet she’s a babe. Nothing more, nothing less.

My F2000 is above men and women.

Mine’s a He/She because it’s a full suspension, and a full suspension bike is like being male and female.

Mankind has known since the ancient Greek and Roman empires that anything that is both beautiful and possesses the ability to take us men beyond the tangible reality of our world to mental and emotional bliss must be female.

My ride is known as the Black Bitch so she is a female, but before all you ladies go getting all pissed at me she is called this for a very good reason. The word bitch is derived from the word Bitchin’. I just cut the word down because how cool does Black Bitchin’ sound? Not very! Anyway my ride is BITCHIN’ & SHE is Black so there you have it.

Since I cannot ride I do not know.

I think that my bike is bisexual. Because I am also.

My bike is a BIKE.

My bike is female because she is so beautiful and strong, so she is a strong, enduring, beautiful one.

My bike is a female because I love women and I love it. We have been everywhere together, like my girlfriend and me.

A female—she’s ignored for a time, then taken out and just used, then I put her away all wet and dirty.

My bike, like me, is androgynous.

My bike is female, of course, as is everybody’s. Things we ride, push, drive, sail, and everything in between are by definition female.

My bike is a female because she’s bright pink. Also I knew if I made her a girl she would get things done.

My bike is me. I am female. Therefore, my bike is female.

My bike is a boy because it is not girly looking in any way . . . yeah.

By nature all inanimate objects are female. It is the male in us all that gives them our ribs to bring them to life.

My bike is a reincarnated U.S. Army ranger named Dee. I know this because he came to me in a dream. He chose to be a Cannondale mountain bike because they kick.

My Super V is not male or female. I wouldn’t disgrace it by calling it human.

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