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The following New Year’s resolutions were written by then fifteen-year-old Daniel Robbins in January 2002 as an assignment for his high school typing class. Robbins, a resident of Great Falls, Montana, confessed in May 2003 to having run over forty-year-old Patty Emanuel, days earlier, with his Ram Charger SUV, intending to kill her and then have sex with her corpse.

1. Get a driver’s license, so I can do those horrible things people like to read about in the paper.
2. Kill the tooth fairy.
3. Stop screaming at my answering machine.
4. Get a job so I can afford ammo.
5. Improve typing grade.
6. Taste human flesh.
7. Make a movie about Hitler.
8. Find out what really happened in Roswell, New Mexico.
9. Find out who really killed JFK and invite blood relatives to a barbecue.
10. Shoot someone on a camping trip and say it was an accident.

School resolutions
1. Raise typing and English grades.
2. Sign up in a club.
3. Take as many math courses as possible.
4. Fewer absences.
5. Carry less books.

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November 2003

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