Readings — From the April 2005 issue

Euber Alles

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From a collection of misrepresentations by the British press of European Union policies, compiled by the London branch of the European Commission’s Press Office.

Strawberries must be oval
Yogurt to be banned
EU to create “electrical mountain”
EU bans lorry drivers’ British breakfast
Sale of second-hand toys illegal
Butchers cannot give a dog a bone
No more Caerphilly cheese in Caerphilly
“High up” signs to be put on mountains
Brussels party poopers to freeze out fake snow
EU changes the definition of an “island”
Rocking horses to be banned EU bans playtime
EU tells women to hand in worn-out sex toys
EU orders farmers to give toys to pigs
New Euro edict: watch our porn
EU fanatics want you to sing this dire anthem
EU Court may ban smacking
Pets to be pressure-cooked
Brussels may ban mushy peas
EU bans mince pies
EU calls kilts “womenswear”
Circus performers must wear hard hats
New eggs cannot be called eggs
Cod no longer to be called cod
Brussels bureaucrats to rewrite history

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