Readings — From the April 2017 issue

Never Would I Ever

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From statements Donald Trump has made in speeches and on Twitter over the past two years.

I refuse to call Megyn Kelly a bimbo, because that would not be politically correct. Instead I will only call her a lightweight reporter!

I never attacked dopey Jon Stewart for his phony last name. Would never do that!

I was going to say that de Blasio is the worst mayor in the history of this city, but I wouldn’t. He’s a terrible mayor, he’s got problems like you wouldn’t believe. I was going to say that but now I won’t say it.

I promised I would not say that [Carly Fiorina] ran Hewlett-Packard into the ground. That her stock value tanked. That she laid off tens of thousands of people. I said I will not say that. And that she ran against Barbara Boxer for the United States Senate in California. She lost in a landslide. I am not going to say it.

I’m going to be nice today. I’m not going to call Jeb Bush low energy. I’m not going to say that Marco Rubio is a lightweight. I will not say that for Ben Carson last week was a bad week because his top consultant said he’s incapable of learning about foreign policy. I won’t say that he suffers from pathological disease. I’m not saying he went after his mother and wanted to hit her over the head with a hammer. And that he tried to stab somebody but the belt got in the way. And the knife fell to the ground, broken. And that he hit his friend in the face with a padlock. I’m not saying any of those things about any of those people.

The recount vote has come back. I refuse to say it was a scam. This way they can’t report that I said it.

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October 2019


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