Readings — From the August 2019 issue

Flight Log

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From the cockpit transcript of a Navy training flight near Seattle, in 2017. The exchange was released in May, following an investigation. Excerpts from the transcript were first published by the Navy Times.

electronic warfare officer: Draw a giant penis. That would be awesome.
pilot: “What’d you do on your flight?” “Oh, we turned dinosaurs into sky penises.”
e.w.o.: They would be like, “What the fuck?”
pilot: I could basically draw a figure eight, and turn around and come back. I’m gonna go down, grab some speed, and hopefully get out of the contrail layer, so they are not connected to each other. That would be so funny, airliners coming back on their way into Seattle. Just this big fucking giant penis. We could almost draw a vein in the middle of it too.
pilot: Alright, we’re probably getting close to starting mark. You see them back there?
e.w.o.: We’re definitely marking.
pilot: Balls are gonna be a little lopsided.
e.w.o.: I hope I can get a picture of it.
pilot: Balls are complete. I just gotta navigate a little bit over here for the shaft.
e.w.o.: Which way is the shaft going?
pilot: The shaft will go to the left.
e.w.o.: It’s gonna be a wide shaft.
pilot: I don’t wanna make it just, like, three balls.
e.w.o.: You’re probably going to sharp left and then draw it back.
pilot: Alright.
e.w.o.: Let’s do it. The head of that penis is going to be thick.
pilot: Some like Chinese weather satellite right now is like, “What the fuck?”
e.w.o.: Penis.
pilot: Alright. We’ll come back up over the top and try to take a look at it.
e.w.o.: I have a feeling the balls will have dissipated by then.
pilot: It’s possible.
pilot: Oh my god.
e.w.o.: Perfect.
pilot: This is so obvious.
e.w.o.: That’s a dick.

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