Readings — From the December 2019 issue

Song of My Shelf

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From sentences in movie reviews by James Patterson.

I’m a little nuts and a little sick
It should be obvious that I like preposterous stories
Stephen King commented that he doesn’t have any respect for me
Hey, there’s no accounting for taste!
Some writers have diarrhea of the pen, like me
Poor Herman Melville might be rolling in his grave
For years some knuckleheads have criticized my books without actually reading them
Screw the critics
I suspect a lot of critics were lonely, misunderstood teens
I’ve got my own teenage problems
I don’t particularly like video games
I have never really been with The Force
How could a movie called Sex Tape, with Cameron Diaz, be unwatchable?
Too much bang-bang, not enough hah-hah
And I’m no red-meat yahoo
I’m a sucker for romance
I’m such a girl
I like books about women; I like movies about women
I’m really happy that women are finally going out to see movies that their husbands and boyfriends might not be interested in
I understand the economics of young women acting as stupidly as young males
We’re all caught between the greedy mob at the top and the greedy mob at the bottom
What to do, what to do?
Should I become an actor on the series How I Met Your Mother? I don’t think so
I leave it to you to make your own decisions
I have been to this sad place before
I spent a couple hours in Tom Cruise’s house last year
I’d take it up with my shrink if I had a shrink
My problem, not yours

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