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From an interview conducted by a journalist with his former marijuana dealer, published in April by the Riverfront Times. Chimchards, who now buys weed legally from a medical dispensary, refers to the dealer as “The Guy.”

thomas k. chimchards: What is it that you have to offer that the dispensaries don’t?

the guy: I’m not going to give you that fake Guitar Center bullshit, you know what I mean? And you don’t need any paperwork. You can give me a fake name—it won’t matter.

chimchards: Prior to this, you drove a taxi, right as Uber came along. What’s next, now that they’re coming after your weed job, too?

the guy: I figure if I start my own oil company I can save the world. Because they’ll come in and shut oil companies down. It’ll be like, “We don’t do that anymore.”

chimchards: Have you ever considered working at a dispensary?

the guy: Oh no, it sounds awful. I bet you can’t smoke cigarettes.

chimchards: What would be your pitch to keep people buying from you, the old-fashioned weed man, rather than going to a licensed dispensary?

the guy: That’s the thing, I don’t want everybody coming to me. I’m gonna make too much money that way, and then somebody is gonna be suspicious. So it’s like, I guess don’t come to me if you weren’t already. Unless, you know, maybe just a few more people.

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July 2021

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