From Things That Disappear, which will be published in the fall by New Directions. Translated from the German by Kurt Beals.
The great advantage of an outhouse is that you never have to flush it and it doesn’t freeze in the winter. Do you know how to pump it out? Well, my father used to shovel bark mulch over it, then it decomposes. Why don’t you install a chemical toilet? Don’t you have a pit? Does it leach out, or not? It’s all natural. I’d rather dig a hole in the bushes. But if you put bark mulch over it, I’m telling you, it doesn’t even stink. All right, then. It’s so dark right now. Here, take the flashlight with you. But something’s going to jump up at me from down below. Nonsense, there’s nothing living down there. You never know.
When the sun shines on the chimney, my great-grandmother used to say, the warm air somehow presses down on the fire, so it always takes longer for it to burn. There’s some kind of lever here, too, but I don’t know what it does. It looks like it’s rusted through. Well, I’m certainly not going to stand in this kitchen in the summer, when it’s over eighty degrees, and spend two hours tending the fire just to cook potatoes. After all, you can get a hot plate with one or two burners at any home-improvement store. They’re not expensive, either. Food just tastes better when it’s cooked on a real fire. Much better. I agree. Nonsense: heat is heat. Now my hands are all black. Where’s your bathroom?
Here, there’s a tap on the wall. I see. It doesn’t make any difference whether you wash your hands over a sink or a bucket. Why is the water in the bucket so black? Because I poured the coffee grounds into it earlier. I can only brush my teeth with hot water. There’s hot water in the pot on the stove. That’s how my grandma used to do it, too! There were always three pots! And the soap suds and toothpaste? We pour them out. Where? Into the bushes. That’s bad for the environment. Oh, come on.
Who’s doing the dishes? Here, we’ll use these two bowls. One has dish soap in it, the other one’s for rinsing. I should use the hot water from the pots? Exactly. And where do I put the dishes to dry? I’ll dry them right away, otherwise the utensils get rusty and stained, it’s the old iron stuff from Solingen. I see. These are the best knives, you can sharpen them again and again. Ah. Where are we going to sleep, anyway? Upstairs. I’ll put the ladder up in a minute. And if you hear anything, it’s just the martens. Can I take the flashlight with me? There are electric lights upstairs. Really? Fantastic.
