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President Barack Obama addressed a joint session of Congress and implored Democrats to pass their own health-care legislation. During the speech, the president noted that the bill would not extend health insurance to illegal immigrants, at which South Carolina Representative Joe Wilson shouted, “You lie!” Afterwards, Wilson received $1 million in campaign contributions. Shares in health insurance companies went up, and the number of Americans without health insurance rose to 46.3 million.New York TimesCNNMarketwatchCNNNew York TimesThe HillCNNFox NewsPoliticoTens of thousands of people gathered in front of the U.S. Capitol to protest health-care reform, the expansion of government, illegal immigration, abortion, the size of the national deficit, limitations on gun ownership, the linguistic plurality of the United States, the Wall Street bailout, the energy bill, and the appointment of White House czars. Signs carried at the protest depicted Obama as Adolf Hitler, as Che Guevara, as the Joker from the most recent Batman movie, and as an African witch doctor. “Bury Obamacare with Kennedy,” read one sign. “Joe Wilson for president” read another.The HillSamoans began to drive on the left side of the road in spite of a late appeal by the People Against Switching Sides (PASS).BBC
The Treasury Department announced plans to phase out its bank-bailout programs. “It is clear,” said Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, “that we have stepped back from the brink and that we are pointed in the right direction.”MarketwatchThree more banks closed, adding to the 89 that failed so far this year,MarketWatchand investment firms revealed plans to buy life-insurance policies from elderly and sick people and package them into securitized investment products. “We’re hoping to get a herd stampeding after the first offering,” said a banker. New York TimesIn Pakistan, at least nineteen women trying to collect free handouts of flour were killed in an actual stampede.New York TimesA developer in London was found guilty of murdering his tenant so he could move ahead with plans to flip the property,BBCand a group of men in Florida were holding up pawn shops in various costumes, including hospital scrubs, child safety-seats, and sinks.St. Petersburg TimesThe U.S. was growing more pot. “The need to… distract yourself is pretty much a constant in human behavior through good times and bad,” said one marijuana-eradication official.CS MonitorScientists at Stanford University determined that stem cells could be made from fat cells removed during liposuction.CNN
Jim Carroll died, as did Nobel Prize-winning agronomist Norman Borlaug, and Gertrude Baines, who at 115 was the world’s oldest person.CNNThe GuardianNew York TimesA 107-year-old woman in Malaysia was looking for her 23rd husband.BBCAuthorities in Sudan were planning to lash a woman for wearing tight pants.CNNA German AIDS awareness campaign was criticized for portraying Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, and Joseph Stalin having sex with naked women. BBCPolice in Turkey rescued nine women from a villa where they had spent the last two months being made to fight each other, wear bikinis, and dance by a swimming pool for what they falsely believed was a reality-TV show. BBCCalifornia state legislator Mike Duvall, a Republican, resigned after he unwittingly bragged about having sex with much younger women–including one who wore “little eye-patch underwear”–into a hot microphone before a hearing.LA TimesA former jail deputy in Ohio was charged with two health-code violations after he fed a prisoner a bologna sandwich that had been rubbed on another prisoner’s penis.Columbus DispatchA man in Wales was sentenced to prison for murdering his partner after she changed her relationship status on Facebook to “single.”BBCWalmart employees beat a shoplifter to death,AFPand two Massachusetts teenagers were killed in a dispute over a parking space.Boston GlobeAfter successfully praying for his release from a stuck elevator, a devout Catholic in Vienna went directly to church, where, giving thanks to God, he embraced an 860-pound altar, which fell over, killing him instantly.Daily TelegraphCanadian scientists discovered the smell of death.BBC
More from Genevieve Smith:
From the May 2014 issue
Estimated total calories members of Congress burned giving Bush’s 2002 State of the Union standing ovations:
A fertility scientist named Panayiotis Zavos announced that he had created human-cow embryos that were theoretically viable, but denied that he planned to allow such a hybrid to be implanted in a woman’s womb. “We are not trying to create monsters,” he said.
A statistician determined that the five most common first names among New York City taxi drivers are Md, Mohammad, Mohammed, Muhammad, and Mohamed.
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“I hope that after reading the following pages the leaders of the Y. M. C. A. will start a campaign to induce good young men to do nothing. If so, I shall not have lived in vain.”