On Inauguration Day, Joe Biden announced pardons for his family members in the final twenty minutes of his presidency, and Donald Trump pardoned roughly 1,500 people involved in the January 6 riot in the first hours of his.Read More
What happened to the more than seven million voters who supported Biden in 2020, who apparently didn’t vote for Harris? Canaries suffocated by the toxic gases of neoliberal lies.Read More
A man in Maryland was arrested outside a Catholic church after dropping an onion in the aisle on his way to the altar, pouring whisky in the holy water, and throwing tangerines at the congregant who escorted him out of the mass.Read More
A company that made robots for children with autism announced that they had run out of money and that parents should inform their kids that the robotic friends would soon die.Read More
At the UnitedHealthcare headquarters in Minnetonka, Minnesota, a flag emblazoned with the company’s logo flew at half-mast, and a shooter lookalike contest was held in New York City’s Washington Square Park.Read More
The Anchorage, Alaska, fire department asked local residents not to explode frozen turkeys in boiling grease; a wild turkey smashed through the window of a Montana home and roosted on the homeowner’s bar; and, at a Thanksgiving dinner in Memphis, Tennessee, a grandmother stabbed both her daughter and her grandson in their left hands.Read More
132 hamsters broke free of their cages in the cargo hull of a Portuguese commercial airplane and stormed the cabin, grounding the craft for four days.Read More
Residents in Colorado Springs voted on one ballot initiative banning the sale of recreational marijuana and another allowing the sale of recreational marijuana. “Both,” said the city in a statement following the election, “have been approved.”Read More
In Michigan, it was reported that a man living in the woods of the Upper Peninsula captured video of himself being “knocked out cold” by what he claimed was a bigfoot.Read More
A 10-month-old fire station in Stadtallendorf burned to the ground after flames in the building went undetected because no one had installed a fire alarm.Read More
It was reported that Israel’s prime minister rejected a ceasefire deal with Hamas because he worried he’d lose his job, and that Hamas’s leader rejected terms for a ceasefire with Israel because he was hoping for the conflict to draw more countries into war.Read More
During a televised debate for the mayoralty of São Paulo, a candidate who worked as a crime-show host walked across the stage and struck a rival with a steel chair.Read More
An infantile pygmy hippopotamus took Thailand by storm; the English transliteration of her name, Moo Deng, would be “bouncy pig” or “pork patty.”Read More
Former British Prime Minister Liz Truss, whose 49-day premiership was outlived by a head of iceberg lettuce, alleged that a group of “far-left activists” had “suppress[ed] free speech” after they unveiled a poster of the victorious vegetable behind her during a stop on her pro-Trump speaking tour.Read More
In England, an “exceptionally wet summer” affected the Cerne Abbas Giant, an ancient chalk figure carved into a hill in Dorset, temporarily reducing the visibility of its famously prominent penis; one tourist complained that there was “no attraction there.”Read More