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Turkmenistan, a nation the size of California, and home to 5.5 million people who live atop some of the world’s largest natural gas reserves, recently held presidential elections. The outcome was never in doubt: President Kurbanguly Berdymukhamedov was reelected with over 97 percent of the vote. A licensed dentist, Berdymukhamedov came to power suddenly in December 2006, through a series of extra-constitutional maneuvers after the death of former president Saparmurat Niyazov. Western diplomats in Ashgabat report that he is widely rumored to be Niyazov’s illegitimate son.
No meaningful political opposition exists in Turkmenistan—attitudes other than sycophancy toward the nation’s leader are unwelcome, and critics are quickly silenced. The country’s higher-education system has been carefully dismantled, and students who travel abroad to seek a college degree quickly find themselves labeled enemies of the state and placed on secret lists for apprehension at border posts. (The tactics make sense on one level: anyone who had a college education or had experienced a whiff of life outside Turkmenistan probably would be inspired to seek change.) Médecins sans Frontières withdrew from the country in 2009, after finding that doctors were not permitted to diagnose and treat tuberculosis or HIV, both of which are widespread, because Ashgabat could not accept the idea that such diseases existed in Berdymukhamedov’s dream kingdom.
The election has set the stage for the further development of the personality cult around Berdymukhamedov. The nation’s Council of Elders recently bestowed upon him the title of Arkadag (“the Protector”), and his visage now smiles down from posters throughout the country. Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty reports this momentous news:
State-run media in Turkmenistan have declared that the Central Asian country has entered a new “era of supreme happiness of the stable state” in the wake of President Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov’s landslide reelection victory. RFE/RL’s Turkmen Service reports that the theme of “supreme happiness” over the president’s second term in office was suggested during an official meeting in Ashgabat on February 25.
It’s wonderful knowing that while threats of war hover over Iran, the E.U. despairs over the fate of the Euro, and America copes with rising internal demand for theocracy, Turkmenistan has found a solution to all temporal problems.
In fact, Turkmenistan provides the world with a useful example. It reminds us what a state with totalitarian aspirations accomplishes for its people: poverty, ignorance, and the collapse of public wealth, all wrapped in a pervasive culture of fear. Foreign observers may well watch and have a hearty laugh at Turkmenistan’s expense, but for the Turkmen people, a nightmare is unfolding.
More from Scott Horton:
Conversation — August 5, 2016, 12:08 pm
Sidney Blumenthal on the origins of the Republican Party, the fallout from Clinton’s emails, and his new biography of Abraham Lincoln
Conversation — March 30, 2016, 3:44 pm
Joseph Hickman discusses his new book, The Burn Pits, which tells the story of thousands of U.S. soldiers who, after returning from Iraq and Afghanistan, have developed rare cancers and respiratory diseases.
Flor Arely Sánchez had been in bed with a fever and pains throughout her body for three days when a July thunderstorm broke over the mountainside. She got nervous when bolts of light flashed in the sky. Lightning strikes the San Julián region of western El Salvador several times a year, and her neighbors fear storms more than they fear the march of diseases — first dengue, then chikungunya, now Zika. Flor worried about a lot of things, since she was pregnant.
Late in the afternoon, when the pains had somewhat eased, Flor thought she might go to a dammed-up bit of the river near her house to bathe. She is thirty-five and has lived in the same place all her life, where wrinkled hills are planted with corn, beans, and fruit trees. She took a towel and soap and walked out into the rain. Halfway to the river, the pains returned and overcame her. The next thing Flor remembers, she was in a room she didn’t recognize, unable to move. As she soon discovered, she was in a hospital, her ankle cuffed to the bed, and she was being investigated for abortion.
Average amount of time a child spends in Santa Claus’s lap at Macy’s (in seconds):
Beer does not cause beer bellies.
Following the arrest of at least 10 clowns in Kentucky and Alabama, Tennesseans were warned that clowns could be “predators” and Pennsylvanians were advised not to interact with what one police chief described as “knuckleheads with clown-like clothes on.”
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“Matt was happy enough to sustain himself on the detritus of a world he saw as careening toward self-destruction, and equally happy to scam a government he despised. 'I’m glad everyone’s so wasteful,' he told me. 'It supports my lifestyle.'”