Dreaming of a Life in Hollywood? Stop

From The Onion:

Saying that he’s had a few movie ideas kicking around for a while now, local resident and very depressing man Scott Norgren purchased screenwriting software Tuesday. “I’m excited,” said the 36-year-old sad sack, who bought the popular program Final Draft 8 at Best Buy during his work lunch break. “I figured that if I’m going to give screenwriting a try, I should have the right software.”

“It’s supposed to make the whole process easier,” the poor sonofabitch added. “Like the outlining, for example.” Norgren, who spent several weeks making careful notes on the screenwriting programs currently on the market, finally settled on Final Draft not just because of its formatting capabilities, but also because the software came highly recommended by some of Hollywood’s top screenwriters.