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January 2008 Issue [Readings]

My Dinner With Antrophagus

From a March 6, 2001, transcript of an online chat between Bernd-Jürgen Brandes (cator99) and Armin Meiwes (antrophagus), included in Interview with a Cannibal: The Secret Life of the Cannibal from Rotenburg, by Günter Stampf, published in Germany last fall. Brandes responded to an online advertisement Meiwes posted stating that he was seeking a “well-built man, 18–30, who would like to be eaten by me.” Meiwes videotaped himself slaughtering Brandes a few days later. He confessed to the act and was convicted of manslaughter in 2004. The ruling was overturned in 2006 on the grounds that the sentence of eight and a half years was too lenient. Meiwes was retried, convicted of murder, and resentenced to life imprisonment. Translated from the German by Jina Moore.

Cator99: Hallllooooo????

Antrophagus: Hi, Cator, what do you do professionally, that you are up so late at night?

Cator99: I can’t sleep well anymore because of our meeting

Antrophagus: That’s a sensible reason. Yesterday I was incredibly tired, it was a stressful day

Cator99: I’m in telecommunications

Antrophagus: Oh, that sounds interesting

Cator99: I believe you

Antrophagus: I’m looking forward to our meeting, it will definitely be really cool

Cator99: I want it to be! I hope it’ll be really cool. Are you setting an alarm clock?????

Antrophagus: It’s only a few days until March 9

Cator99: Still, I would have rather met you yesterday and felt your teeth

Antrophagus: One can’t have everything. There’s still some time before you really feel my teeth

Cator99: I hardly know what to expect. Have you slaughtered a man before?

Antrophagus: Unfortunately, only in my dreams, but in my thoughts I do it every night

Cator99: So I’m the first? You have eaten human flesh before, or you haven’t?

Antrophagus: No, you don’t exactly find it in the supermarket, unfortunately

Cator99: How do you know if it will taste good to you, or that the blood won’t make you sick?

Antrophagus: I’m readying myself with my dreams. Once I was so excited I grabbed a needle and drew my own blood so I could drink it

Cator99: And your blood, it tasted good to you?

Antrophagus: It was quite tasty. Once I was drilling some holes and the drill slipped right into my hand, that was a real treat. Blood is the juice of life. It contains everything a person needs for nutrition

Cator99: Then I hope you won’t wilt, that you can really see it through without a problem

Antrophagus: To bite into your penis will certainly not be easy—living flesh is somewhat more resistant than fried—but one thing is certain: our dream will be fulfilled

Cator99: But there’s not so much in it as there is in muscle

Antrophagus: Yeah, but the penis is principally a spongy material filled with blood

Cator99: For both our sakes, I hope that’s true. I hope you have also already thought about what’s to be done with the rest. Fulfilling the dream shouldn’t become a nightmare for you. No one will know where I’ve disappeared to

Antrophagus: After you’re dead, I’ll take you out and expertly carve you up. Except for a pair of knees and some fleshy trash (skin, cartilage, tendons), there won’t be much of you left

Cator99: There will be a good bit, like the knees, I hope you have a good hiding place for them

Antrophagus: I’ll dry out the knees and grind them up soon after

Cator99: Okay, they’re good as fertilizer, I heard that once. I see you’ve thought about it. Good! Sounds like I’m the first

Antrophagus: And you won’t be the last, hopefully. I’ve already considered catching a young person from the street, but I would rather kill only those who want to be killed

Cator99: That also doesn’t sound bad. But yeah, seeing as it’s not so totally legal, this is in my eyes better than yanking somebody directly off the street

Antrophagus: Exactly, I’d do it, if it were legal

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January 2008

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