From 9-1-1 calls made in September by Patricia Upton, a resident of Kitsap County, Washington.

operator: 9-1-1, what are you reporting?

patricia upton: Yes, I need a officer to come out to my property. I have fifty to seventy-five raccoons that are all over my property. I just need a report made, because I have people that, um, can euthanize these animals. But since I’m only on a half acre, I need the sheriff’s department to weigh in.

operator: I’m going to pause you right there. So: law enforcement does not actually respond to raccoons.

upton: What?

operator: You would have to contact either an exterminator—

upton: I’ve done all this! I’m at the point now where I have anywhere from fifty to one hundred raccoons. I need an officer.

operator: Okay, and is that a house there or an apartment?

upton: It’s a house on a half acre.

operator: Okay, so you’re requesting in-person contact there at your residence?

upton: I’m right in my car. They chased me all the way out through the backyard, through my yard, this fence, they’re crawling all over. I haven’t fed them in thirty hours.

operator: You’re stuck in your vehicle?

upton: I had to get in my vehicle to get away. They’re all around my car. These are not normal animals. These things have come in the last month and now they’re tearing—

operator: Patricia, I can go ahead and put in a request for law enforcement to contact you in person, but they may start with a phone call, okay?

upton: I need somebody to see these things!

operator: I understand.

upton: Okay, thank you for your help.

operator: All right, no problem, bye—

upton: Oh my God!

operator: 9-1-1, what are you reporting?

upton: Yes, um, I called about a half hour ago about a deluge of raccoons!

operator: Okay, and what’s going on now?

upton: I’ve got raccoons!

operator: Okay, Patricia, Patricia. It looks like we already do have a call pending for this.

upton: I’m in my driveway—

operator: Patricia, Patricia, we do have that in the call.

upton: Please!