From Issue 11 of Deadlines and Divine Distractions, which was published in December.

Dearest (If I may):

Do (and here I’m charitably speculating that my previous letters have for some reason not reached you and that you have not already definitively done so) ignore what could be seen as pleas for help. All good. All fine. Adjustments have been made.

Your people pointed out (none too affectionately) that if I was “actually in such fucking despair,” I could “take the other option.” Well, what might that mean, exactly! A certain tone does not escape me.

You’ve observed that the list of things I don’t believe in is long. So true. And one of the things I most don’t believe in is “heaven.” (Or does one say “Heaven”—there’s so much I’ve forgotten!) But why should I, I wonder. Aside from being deeply improbable, the concept, expressed by the word/s—or enduring bit of jargon, whatever you’d call it—is so vague, so candidly symbolic, so slobbily abstract as to offend one’s sense of dignity, n’est-ce pas?

To be honest, I can’t imagine how anybody at all—aside from the exceptionally entitled or exceptionally deprived—can subscribe to such a notion, it’s an effort just to imagine imagining it. “heaven/Heaven”—the word/s suggest/s a home for the overage and over-wealthy—utterly sterile, institutional, the pompous authorities, a bit, how can I put it? Lifeless. (Joke.) If I could imagine a heaven/Heaven, no doubt it would feature little moons, hedgehogs, some very good music, birds and flowers, and so on, no financial sector, you, and other delightful elements that I don’t quite have the energy to enumerate here.

In case my previous letters have not in fact reached you, I’ll just say that they (possibly rather frequently) have mentioned that the dog took off some months ago, I don’t know why—some things just don’t work out—and that my phone number is still the same, likewise my address, my email, and so on. If I have anything to apologize for, I apologize. And for what it’s worth, in case it’s not clear, I think of you with something like, something like special human feelings. I think of you . . .