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A Missouri court ruled that Geico must pay $5.2 million to a woman who contracted an STI while having sex in a car insured by the company.

The Texas Department of Safety asked the state’s Office of the Attorney General, which is currently investigating whether bot accounts have artificially inflated the value of Twitter, to block the release of body-cam footage from the mass shooting in Uvalde, Texas, on the grounds that others could use it to ascertain “weaknesses” in the police’s response.1 2 In his first extensive public comments since the shooting, the chief of Uvalde school police said that he intentionally left behind both his police and campus radios before entering the school, and noted that he was unaware that he was in charge at the scene.3 A pastor in Watauga, Texas, told congregants that gay people should be shot in the back of the head, and six years to the day since 49 people were killed at Pulse, an LGBTQ+ nightclub in Orlando, 31 members of the white nationalist group Patriot Front were arrested near a pride event in Idaho.4 5 “I am the gun,” yelled a man at an anti-gun rally held on the National Mall, which caused many protesters to flee.6 “In life we make choices, and we don’t always know what the outcome is going to be,” said Ohio governor Mike DeWine of a new law that allows teachers and other school faculty to carry firearms in classrooms after being trained for a maximum of 24 hours.7 “It really does stink,” said a resident of Richmond, California, after a dead whale washed ashore and stymied efforts at removal.8

The House Select Committee’s public hearings investigating the January 6, 2021, assault on the U.S. Capitol, which have no legal power to assess criminal culpability, began and revealed that, in the days following the attack, several Republican politicians preemptively sought presidential pardons for their roles in trying to overturn the election.9 10 11 It was revealed that Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas’s wife, a former cult member and Heritage Foundation employee, had urged 27 Arizona state lawmakers to “not give in to cowardice” and to overturn the results of the 2020 presidential election.12 13 14 “Nazis, Communists, government takeovers—in the past, we’ve had just about everything here,” said a German beer brewer about a nationwide shortage of glass beer bottles.15 “We will get through this as well.” “They literally sell beer and hot dogs at the games,” said New York governor Kathy Hochul, responding to charges of nepotism after she directed $600 million in public funds toward a new NFL stadium associated with her husband’s work.16 An Alabama man was arrested and fined for littering after he planted flowers at the grave of his fiancée, and rescue workers fished two contractors out of a vat of chocolate at the Mars M&M factory in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.17 18 Because of bacterial contamination, the Arkansas Department of Health advised residents of Weiner to boil their water; a Missouri court ruled that Geico must pay $5.2 million to a woman who contracted an STI while having sex in a car insured by the company; and the Swedish city Malmö installed talking trash cans with suggestive encouragements like, “Oh, right there, yes!” and “Mmmm, a bit more to the left next time.”19 20 21 Google denied claims that its A.I. is sentient.22

Lawmakers in New Zealand considered legislation to tax belching livestock.23 Officials in Indiana allocated $3,000 to clean up a mess left by a family of birds at a jail that’s on the National Register of Historic Places, and China announced its attempts to incentivize citizens to turn in possible foreign spies by offering informants the choice of “material rewards” (of up to $15,000 in cash) or “spiritual rewards” (congratulatory certificates).24 25 Having recently removed cannabis from a list of prohibited narcotics, Thailand began distributing 1 million marijuana plants, but cautioned citizens not to get high.26 Experts warned of an impending popcorn shortage.27Cameron French

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