Weekly Review

Several Moai statues were irreparably damaged after a wildfire swept across Easter Island.¹ “The solution is in the hands of an absent state, that has been absent and is still absent,” said the territory’s mayor. Donald Trump, who instituted a one-in, two-out rule for all government regulations, sued CNN for defamation, with a focus on reports that debunked the former president’s claims that widespread voter fraud had cost him reelection.^{2 3} Following a sham referendum, Russia annexed four regions of Ukraine in a move that it claimed would raise its production of metallurgy and sunflowers by 20 percent.^{4 5} A Kremlin spokesman later admitted that the exact borders of the reclaimed area are unknown, and a senior Kremlin-appointed official in Ukraine urged the Russian defense minister to kill himself.^{6 7} For his 70th birthday, Russian president Vladimir Putin received a pile of watermelons from the leader of Tajikistan and a tractor from the Belarusian strongman Alexander Lukashenko, who recently banned the raising of prices to fight inflation and urged his people to harvest crops to sell to Russia.^{8 9 10} “All this chatter about some sanctions, some mobilization, the war, or whatever, is nonsense,” Lukashenko said. Two Russian asylum seekers arrived in Alaska, and Canada’s Supreme Court heard a case to determine whether the United States is safe for refugees.^{11 12} A U.S. appeals court ruled that the DACA program is illegal but allowed it to continue.¹³ New York City’s mayor, Eric Adams, declared a state of emergency over an influx of migrants, and a judge blocked the city’s ban on firearms in Times Square and on the subway, where two teenagers were reported to have been attacked by six women wearing neon green bodysuits.^{14 15 16} An NYPD officer lost control of his car and injured 10 pedestrians during a chase on Hoe Avenue.¹⁷ 

In Thailand, a country of 70 million people with an estimated 422 psychologists, a former police officer who had been fired for possessing methamphetamine opened fire at a day care center, killing 36 people, including 24 children.^{18 19 20} In the United States, where gun homicides have increased by 45 percent since 2019, the Uvalde school district suspended its entire police department, and a professor at the University of Arizona refused to postpone a midterm exam during an active shooter incident on campus.^{21 22 23} “I encourage those concerned,” he wrote, “to take a detour around that area.” Thirty-four people charged with crimes related to the January 6 assault on the Capitol who are being held in a Washington jail submitted a request to be transferred to Guantánamo Bay, complaining of “hellacious conditions” that include food with worms in it and tablets with critical race theory materials on them.²⁴ President Joe Biden, whose administration suspended, asked to resign, or placed in remote work dozens of staffers who had admitted to prior cannabis use, announced the pardon of thousands of people convicted of marijuana possession.^{25 26} Scientists revealed that CBD improves the health of bees, and a British court ruled that giant marshmallows are an ingredient rather than a snack and are thus not subject to value-added tax.^{27 28} The Colorado baker whose right to deny a wedding cake to a gay couple was upheld by the Supreme Court appealed in a case about his refusal to provide a cake celebrating a gender transition.^{29 30} In the Philippines, police revealed that a transgender gang had raised 4.2 million pesos for gender-affirming surgery through kidnappings.³¹ It was reported that a Brazilian retiree was scammed out of $40,000 by a man pretending to be Johnny Depp and that a Japanese woman lost 4.4 million yen to a man pretending to be a Russian astronaut who said he needed the money to return to Earth.^{32 33}

It was reported that sailors in the U.S. Navy have been drinking water contaminated with jet fuel for decades, and Michigan residents were advised not to eat produce from Kuntry Gardens, a farm that used untreated human waste as a fertilizer.^{34 35} Amazon was sued for selling deadly chemicals to suicidal teenagers, and the company suspended more than two dozen recently unionized warehouse employees who refused to work after a fire at their jobsite.^{36 37} A study found that Google searches for excuses to miss work had increased tenfold since 2018, and a survey revealed that up to 7.4 million British workers may have masturbated while on the clock.^{38 39} Scientists announced that alcohol works similarly to fast-acting antidepressants and gene editing was successfully used to improve the taste of beer.^{40 41} In Vatican City, an American tourist smashed two ancient statues after being denied a meeting with Pope Francis, and in Pennsylvania, a fugitive was caught after she applied for a job at the local sheriff’s office.^{42 43} Dr. Oz addressed allegations of past animal cruelty while standing in front of one of Hitler’s cars.⁴⁴ It was disclosed that a deadly feud between rival cliques of men in Tasmania was triggered by a misdirected Snapchat message reading “What up cunt.”⁴⁵ The president of Uganda apologized after his son tweeted about invading Kenya, and, on the verge of a trial over his attempts to back out of the deal, Elon Musk offered to buy Twitter for the price to which he had originally agreed.^{46 47} Psychologists revealed that people high in Machiavellianism are more likely to engage in bullshitting.⁴⁸ —Jon Edelman