Weekly Review

Newly declassified documents revealed that, in the summer of 2020, Department of Homeland Security officials had created detailed dossiers, previously reserved for individuals “with a demonstrated terrorism nexus,” about Black Lives Matter protesters in Seattle, as well as information gathered about the “Wall of Moms.”¹ With support from seven joint loan arrangers and 19 equity investors, including Prince Alwaleed bin Talal of Saudi Arabia, Elon Musk, the world’s wealthiest man, purchased the microblogging platform Twitter for $44 billion.² In the 12 hours following the sale, use of the n-word on Twitter increased by 500 percent.³ Musk announced that 25 percent of the current staff would be laid off, but denied that the terminations would take place before employees would be eligible to receive stock options.^{4 5} “We need to pay the bills somehow,” Musk tweeted at Stephen King, who had complained about the implementation of a $20 per month charge for blue check verification.⁶ “How about $8?” A new poll revealed 70 percent of Republicans felt that a strong economy was a bigger concern than a functioning democracy, and a man broke into Nancy Pelosi’s house and beat her husband with a hammer.^{7 8} “Fight for our flag to be on top of the world so that we can put the cross of Christ on top of the world again,” said Roberto Jefferson, an ally of Jair Bolsonaro who was arrested after an hours-long standoff with police during which he barricaded himself inside his home and threw a grenade; Jefferson, who was already under house arrest, was initially sought out by authorities for violating the conditions of his confinement by calling a female Supreme Federal Court judge a “witch” and a “prostitute” online.⁹ It was reported that women in leadership positions have been leaving their jobs at a record rate.¹⁰ 

The International Energy Agency announced that carbon emissions will peak in 2025, much sooner than previously projected, because of increased investment in clean energy following Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.¹¹ Ukrainian activists confirmed that the bones of Prince Grigory Aleksandrovich Potemkin had been confiscated by Russian forces, the ninth time his remains have been moved.¹² In Florida, a lawyer who fought against helmet requirements for motorcyclists died after crashing his bike while not wearing a helmet, and in Colorado, a trial concerning a Kroger executive who died at Shotgun Willie’s, a strip club that once displayed a sign that read toxic masculinity welcome here, was delayed after the club’s chief defense lawyer also died there.^{13 14} A Texas woman complained that, out of the different types of ghosts that populate her home, the largest group are “hookers.”¹⁵ A federal court ruled that bikini baristas in Everett, Washington, had been unfairly discriminated against by a city ordinance that required them to cover up.¹⁶ “I just want to pump you up and say you are extremely important. You are doing a fantastic job,” Arnold Schwarzenegger told a group of North Carolina election workers via a video call.¹⁷ Iranian state media announced that “the world’s dirtiest man” had died at age 94, several months after taking his first bath in decades.¹⁸

A woman sued Bullhead City, Arizona, after she was arrested for feeding unhoused people without a permit.¹⁹ It was discovered that a Piet Mondrian painting has been hanging upside down for 75 years, but the museum announced that the artwork will not be set right because it could disintegrate.²⁰ “The PM believes that at a challenging time for the country, MPs should be working hard for their constituents in the House or in their constituencies,” said a representative for Rishi Sunak following criticism that Matt Hancock, the former U.K. health secretary who presided over the COVID-19 pandemic and violated his own lockdown rules, is appearing on the reality show I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!²¹ The Miss Universe Organization suspended President Crystle Stewart following accusations that the contest was rigged.²² In Ohio, two men pleaded not guilty to putting weights in their fish in order to win a tournament, and Jacob Wohl, an alt-right media figure who has fabricated death threats against himself, and Jack Burkman, his frequent collaborator, pleaded guilty to fraud after Buckeye State prosecutors accused them of using robocalls to engage in a voter suppression campaign.^{23 24} “The ghosts of Christmas past and Christmas future keep waking me up and trying to make me visit alternate timelines,” a New Yorker said in a 311 call, one of a spate regarding hauntings.²⁵ It was estimated that, since the start of the year, Jeff Bezos lost $58 billion of his personal wealth, while Mark Zuckerberg lost $90 billion.^{26 27} It was reported that Amazon donated $400,000 to a conservative organization to fight antitrust legislation, and a new study revealed that panhandlers who are dressed in suits receive more money than those who are wearing jeans.^{28 29} —Violet Lucca