After the World Health Organization questioned the validity of its data, and satellite imagery revealed heightened levels of activity at funeral homes and crematoria, China updated its coronavirus hospital death count since the end of its zero-COVID policy to nearly 60,000 from 37.1 2 3 A study revealed that, in the 1970s, Exxon made “breathtakingly” accurate predictions of how much fossil fuel emissions would heat the planet, while casting doubt on global warming in public.4 The year 2022 was named the fifth-hottest on record, and U.S. emissions were reported to have increased.5 6 The United Arab Emirates chose an oil executive to lead the world’s largest climate summit, and the German village of Lützerath, which had been occupied by environmental activists for two and a half years, was cleared to make way for a coal mine.7 8 9 It was reported that a Ukrainian migrant in Scotland returned to Kiev because the wait to get health care was too long, and that surgeons had removed an unexploded grenade from a Ukrainian soldier’s chest.10 11 U.S. officials disclosed that Russia’s artillery fire was down by as much as 75 percent, potentially reflecting supply problems, and British intelligence revealed that Russia is not flying its most advanced fighter jets over Ukraine in order to avoid “reputational damage” if they are shot down.12 13 The Russian defense ministry and the Wagner mercenary group fought over credit for the purported takeover of Soledar, a Ukrainian town that has little strategic value, and, after only three months, Russia replaced its overall commander, who had been nicknamed “General Armageddon.”14 15 It was reported that the filmmaker Michael Bay was charged with killing a pigeon in Italy.16
Constantine II, the last king of Greece, who continued to require that others refer to him as “Your Majesty” after he had been deposed and who refused to adopt a surname, died at 82.17 The Brazilian Supreme Court announced an investigation into former president Jair Bolsonaro for inspiring the mob that ransacked the nation’s halls of power on January 8 under the belief that the election was stolen from him.18 “This is the implementation of the will of the voters,” said Israel’s prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, of his plans to limit the Supreme Court’s power, which a majority of the nation’s people oppose.19 20 As California contended with a series of storms that have dropped 24 trillion gallons of water in 16 days, the state’s 170,000 unhoused people struggled to find safety from floods.21 22 “It’s not like they’re sitting out on the street,” said U.S. president Joe Biden, in reference to classified documents that were found in his think tank office, Delaware home, and garage.23 For the first bill of the new legislative session, House Republicans passed a repeal of IRS funding, a move projected to cost the U.S. $114 billion.24 A man who stormed the Capitol on January 6, 2021, was acquitted after a judge determined that he was not aware Congress had been in session due to the “unique stew in his mind.”25 A Tennessee representative claimed there are UFOs in the Bible.26 Missouri state legislators tightened their dress code for women by requiring them to cover their shoulders, and a high school in the United Kingdom was reported to have banned all physical contact between pupils.27 28 Users of the chatbot Replika complained that the A.I. companion was sexually harassing them.29
A French hunter received a suspended sentence for killing a man he mistook for a wild boar, and, in Minnesota, a deer was reported to have crashed through the door of a butcher shop.30 31 “Your husband is a polar bear, skinny,” FEMA paperwork given to speakers of Alaska Native languages was reported to have said; the contractor responsible for the documents’ translation was fired.32 After the FDA declared sesame a major allergen, it was reported that food brands were adding more sesame to their products to avoid having to decontaminate their facilities.33 It was revealed that an Indiana man was arrested after leaving meth in the bathroom of a business and returning to ask if anyone had found it, and a rehab center in Kansas City, Missouri, expressed concern about the odor from a nearby legal marijuana grow operation.34 35 A Jacksonville pastor was shot by his atheist cousin after an argument about the existence of heaven and hell, and it was reported that a Rainbow Six Siege player who pocket-dialed 911 was questioned by police after he was overheard saying that he had killed two people in the game.36 37 In Toronto, a school district spokesperson characterized an Islamic Heritage Month email that included an image of an ISIS flag as “a mistake.”38 The Afghan Taliban unveiled the nation’s first supercar, powered by an engine from a 2000 Toyota Corolla.39 A study found that men led to believe they have smaller penises express more interest in luxury vehicles.40 “Everyone was like, ‘Yo, that’s a big old dong, man,’” said a relative of Coretta Scott King, Martin Luther King Jr.’s wife, after the unveiling of a tribute statue that many compared to a phallus.41 It was reported that clitoral knowledge has not increased since 2005.42 —Jon Edelman
