Weekly Review

On Clean Air Day in Canada, more than 400 wildfires were alight, including nearly 250 that were considered “out of control”; the country’s wildfire season has already seen the destruction of an area nearly 15 times larger than usual.^{1 2 3} Smoke from the blazes blanketed the northeastern United States, and New York was reported to have the worst air quality of any major city in the world; one resident likened the smell to “9/11.”^{4 5} Flights, a Yankees game, Shakespeare in the Park, and grade school recesses were canceled, and Google searches for “air purifier,” and “sell my home fast” spiked.⁶ “What the hell is this?” asked New York City Mayor Eric Adams.⁷ Hundreds of Ukrainians were rescued from rooftops after an explosion destroyed the Kakhovka dam, which had restrained a body of water the size of the Great Salt Lake.^{8 9} Russia and Ukraine blamed each other for the attack, and Ukraine launched a counteroffensive against Russian defenses in the South and East.¹⁰ A video released by Russia claiming to show the destruction of some of Ukraine’s most advanced tanks actually depicted a helicopter blowing up a tractor, and Iran unveiled a quantum computing device that appeared to be a circuit board available on Amazon for under $600.^{11 12} It was reported that a Chinese climber who fell unconscious on Mount Everest had refused to pay a $10,000 rescue fee to the sherpa who saved her, and that a Malaysian mountaineer who was carried over 1,000 feet down the mountain by a sherpa after he went into shock had blocked his rescuer on Instagram.^{13 14} 

In a surprise ruling, the Supreme Court determined that the voting rights of black citizens were violated by an Alabama congressional district map and, in a unanimous decision, that Jack Daniel’s trademark was infringed upon by a poop-themed dog toy.^{15 16} Donald Trump became the first former president to face federal charges after he was indicted for retaining secret documents after he was president and obstructing efforts to reclaim them, alongside the man who was once responsible for bringing him Diet Cokes when Trump pressed a button on the Resolute Desk.^{17 18} Trump, who once claimed that he could declassify documents by thinking it, is accused of storing classified papers in a Mar-a-Lago ballroom used for public functions, in a bathroom, and in his bedroom, and allegedly showed them to associates who did not have security clearances.^{19 20 21} “This is secret information,” Trump is reported to have said.²² “Look, look at this.” The presidential campaign of Ron DeSantis spread AI-generated images of Trump hugging and kissing Dr. Anthony Fauci, and a study found that ChatGPT repeats the same 25 jokes 90 percent of the time.^{23 24} Apple announced that iPhones would stop autocorrecting the word “fuck,” and, at a Devon beach, three men had to be rescued after an inflatable waterfowl named Quackers floated off to sea.^{25 26} The PGA announced a merger with LIV Golf, the rival tour sponsored by Saudi Arabia, a country that, in a single day in March, executed 81 men.^{27 28} “We’re a dictatorship most of the time,” said the leader of Slowjamastan, a micronation in the California desert that bans Crocs, mumble rap, and “people who put their feet on the dashboard.”²⁹

A North Carolina man was reported to have punched a baby in the face.³⁰ The owner of a Maryland funeral home shot and killed a pallbearer at the burial service of a 10-year-old girl, who had also been shot.³¹ A Milwaukee teen’s body was found inside an SUV four days after the vehicle was towed to a city-owned lot, a Maltese man wanted by police was found to be already in prison, and a Mumbai court was revealed to have granted a prisoner bail on humanitarian grounds two days after he died.^{32 33 34} An employee of an organ donation nonprofit who had filed a workplace complaint was reported to have found three severed heads on his desk.³⁵ New York City sued Hyundai and Kia, alleging that their cars are too easy to steal, and Lululemon defended the firing of two workers who tried to stop a robbery.^{36 37} A public employment agency in Brussels was criticized for asking out-of-work actors if they would be willing to appear in pornography.³⁸ Archaeologists said that a six-inch stone penis found amid 15th century ruins was used for sharpening weapons, and a Rhode Island man faced charges of breaking into houses to steal sex toys, which he was intending to give as birthday presents.^{39 40} The evangelist Pat Robertson, who decried gay people as responsible for 9/11, died at 93; the Unabomber, who decried technology as destructive to human-scale communities, died at 81; and the Iron Sheik, who decried Hulk Hogan as a jabroni, died at 80.^{41 42 43 44 45 46} Scientists found evidence that dinosaurs may have been capable of virgin births.⁴⁷ —Jon Edelman